My Albuquerque Trip...

We strike a pose before our journey (and I DO mean journey:) to Santa Fe...
The longest bar in New Mexico...located in Madrid, NM...fun times:)

SHE'S THIRTY:)

We went to this museum...called Tinkertown. I recommend everyone travel to Albuquerque and see it...strange little place.

KENNY...duh?

BEWARE!!

I want everyone to be very careful this week! We laid down for our nightly prayers and Bishop took extra time to ask God to protect us all from that nasty "Slime flu."

:)

I love my child!!!

Don't you hate it when you realize your kids are smarter than you?!

Example:

I was running late this morning (I know...HUGE shocker:). I got Shayden buckled in the car, got it started, realized I couldn't find my cell phone (another big shocker...shut up:). I dig through my purse, look under the seats, and turn to Shay and say, "I have to run back in, I can't find my phone...I'll be right back." She looks at me inquizzatively and nods. I sprint back in the house and run around like a mad woman but find no phone. I decide to try calling it from the house phone...yes, I know I should have done that first....my brain is FOGGY in the mornings. It rings and rings and I hear no phone. I decide to see if maybe I missed it in my purse...I mean, I don't think I WOULD but ya never know:). I throw open the car door only to hear Shayden say in a very mature voice, "Your phone is in the CAR, mommy."

"How do you know, Shayden?"

"It was RINGING."

"oh."

One of those...duh moments...it was all very comical except for the fact that I was 15 minutes late.

TGIF friends...try to steer clear of the swine flu...

When all else fails....

I have been becoming increasingly worried about this whole swine flu thing. I know in my heart that most of the panic being created is just due to the media being out of control but the mom in me has moments of, "but, what if?" Part of me says...whatever...it's the flu, the other half wants to keep my kids home and plan a two week homebound vacation (that doesn't sound too bad anyways:). I have read a lot of other blogs and posts and I know that many of us are concerned...but I am trying to practice what I preach to my kids everyday...it your knees. PRAY. The past couple of nights I have just laid down with them and talked to God specifically about this flu...please protect us, keep us healthy. Please be with our nation and help the virus to remain mild. When you close your eyes tonight...try it...I promise God will give you the peace that you are seeking. God is constantly whispering in my ears that He is always with me...and I know that He is...

Tonight on one of the radio stations they are talking about moms...how wonderful they are. I have always thought my mom is pretty bad ass...she is an amazing woman. And then I think about getting to BE a mom and I am completely humbled. I often don't feel worthy of being a mom...I am a mommy failure a lot. But I think back and realize that that is just part of being a mom...we learn as we go. I look at my kids and realize I would stand before a firing squad or walk thru fire for them and it is nice to know that MY mom would still do the same for me...God is awesome....

Busy kids...

I may be a crappy soccer mom but he is NO crappy player:). Look at him steal the ball!!He DID inherit his daddy's athletic ability...
TA-DA!! She has to practice her landing every week:)

These are "rainbows" aka backbends...Shay is doing GREAT!

Practicing those backward rolls...
High five Ms. Pam...she rocks!

Loss

How do you explain to a six year old why people come and go out of his life?

I have been struggling with this question for awhile...and I still have no good answer. When his dad & I divorced...it was tramatic enough. To add insult to injury, we lost friends that meant a lot in the divorce . How do you explain to a 5 year old that his best friend can't be his friend anymore do to mommy politics?! It was hard and I finally told him he moved and I didn't have his new phone number.

That was hard enough...how do you explain to him that a grandparent or cousins still love him but we are likely never to see them again. I would love ideas...I placate as much as I can...but it invariably comes up again...where is ____________?

Help:)

The Terrible Twos

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Friday's Feast

Appetizer: Choose one: Popcorn, Pizza, Pretzels, Peanuts, or Pasta.

Hmmmmmm...Right now I would choose pizza...DESSERT pizza:)

Soup: Describe your personality in terms of a particular vehicle.

That's easy...PINK HUMMER. Pink for my girliness...Hummer because you should watch out...I can and will run over you if you don't get out of the way:)

Salad: If you won a shopping spree, from which store would you want it to be?

Charlotte...I wear enough of their clothes...I might as well get some free

Main Course: Which television show re-runs do you enjoy watching?

I watch WAY too many re-runs of Sex and the City and Friends...I think I have seen them all TWICE but I still love them. They ARE my friends:)

Dessert: If you could look into the future, how far down the road would you like to see? 10 years? 100 years? A million?

I don't think I would look...okay, maybe a couple hundred just to see if we would still be here or if we had been raptured yet:)

Lenton Devotional

written by: Henri J.M. Nouwen

The great challenge of faith is to be surprised by joy. I remember sitting at a dinner table discussing the economic depression of the country. We kept throwing out statistics that made us increasingly convinced that things could not get worse. Then suddenly the 4 year old son of one of my friends opened the door, ran to his father and said, "Look Daddy, Look! I found a little kitten in the yard...LOOK...isn't she cute?" While showing the kitten to his father, the little boy stroked the little kitten with his hand and held it against his face. All at once eveything changed. The little boy and his kitten became the center of attention. There were smiles, strokes, and many tender words. We were surprised by joy.

God became a little child in the midst of a violent world. Are we surprised by joy or do we keep saying, "How nice and sweet, but the reality is different." What if the child reveals to us what is really Real?

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and sustain me in a willing spirit." Psalm 51:12

I am behind in my Lenton devotional book...I KNOW...terrible:). But this one really spoke to me today so I wanted to share. I have been really struggling with the state of this country and the fear of where we are headed. This reminded me that I need not fear...

Picture Update :)

Bishop is LEARNING TO RIDE A BIKE With NO training wheels:)

AND...he learned how to crash...LOL. How can a kid cry over a papercut but never shed a tear when he crashes 17 times??

More Pics

Shay going down the slide at the new A-town McD's



Bishop gets under the hood to fix the problem:)

Another infamous pose of the girls...Shay is not REALLY choking Shyanne...just bad photo moment!

Another infamous photo...Brad's "watchdog"

We went to the movies over Spring Break and Shayden wanted to sit in Bubba's lap...Bedtime Stories was...ok:)

More pics

The new do:




I am raising her to be a camera diva...

This shows Shay's personality perfectly...:)

I got my soccor mom card back...lol. Ok...maybe not but Bishop is a GREAT soccor player!

Tres....the new family cat

Playing Catch Up

This is my "catch up" day and that includes the blog. I have been cleaning, I have had the KIDS cleaning, I've been doing homework, and catching up on DVR. I have been working on a blog about America and how sad it is to watch out country right now...but I haven't finished it so for now...catch up time:).

I had an interview and many of you sent emails and prayers...THANK YOU. The interview itself went really well. I was immediatly intimidated when I walked in...there were three women waiting. I did feel confident though...this is an area that I understand. They asked about the Restaurant Association test which I have taken and passed. They asked what I think a big problem facing teachers is and I answered LACK OF PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT (be involved parents!!!). We talked about what programs they want and what I feel would be good for them to offer. It went very well and they were complimentary. It was easier because I went in with the attitude that this will or won't work out and that is okay...I want to be where God needs me to be. The job is exactly what I want...the situation is exactly what I don't want. The plus side: Family & Consumer Science and they want my input on what classes to teach; they DO have a Chicken Express; PK is close by:). Down side: It would require moving to Graham...about 2 hours west of here. Graham is a great place but I would have no help of any kind. And I know that millions of women before me have done it and millions after me will as well...but I don't want that. I have great admiration for women who have done it with no one...but that is not how God intended it to be and I am blessed to be in a situation where it doesn't have to be that way. SO....anyways...we will see. If God makes it obvious that Graham is my plan...then I WILL go...I know if He leads me there, HE will work it out. So...you see the dilemma...I will keep you posted. They are accepting apps until the end of April so I don't expect to hear anything too soon.

And that is about it...lol. I am still subbing...I just finished a long term subbing position as a school receptionist. Wow...that changed my way of thinking on MANY things. We are such an instant gratification society...but I guess that can be another blog in itself:). Everyone should have the opportunity to do reception work for a week...it will be life changing. I learned to pray for people that came in angry...and I learned that you shouldn't piss off the lady that handles phone calls...hmmmmmmmm...chew on that one:).The kids are fabulous. We went to Bishop's open house the other day and it was interesting. Should I be concerned that everyone referred to him as "Jedi Bishop"???? He is already doing 1st great work and reading like a champ...he is too smart for his own good. His computer teacher did comment on his vocabulary and if you sit down with Bishop for any amount of time...you will understand...he is a mini adult in a 6 year old body. We got him signed up for soccer and he is excited to start that. Shayden is still a diva. She is such a toddler now...no more baby:(. She refuses to learn her colors...we work on them all the time...I often wonder if she is color blind or if she just doesn't care. The entire world is purple...hmmmmmmmmmmmm. She is a "Bubba's" girl...she follows Bishop EVERYWHERE. Right now, they are sitting in the living room, together in the same chair, watching Clone Wars. She is becoming a Star Wars nerd in her own right...God help us:). She still has the same boyfriend and still insists on having a say in her shoes and bows. We are battling the word "no" and "I don't WANT to." She has more attitude than I can muster at times...I DREAD the teenage years!!!!!

I am still boring:). I am planning a trip to Albuqurque in April and Key West in June...traveling with Jodi of course. Gotta do something to stay young...30 is looming:).

Have a FABULOUS day...thank you God for Spring Break!!!!

Disengaging...

I Am a 'Kept ' Woman? You see, there were a few times when I thought I would lose my mind, But GOD kept me sane. (Isa. 26:3)

There were times when I thought I could go no longer, But the LORD kept me moving. (Gen 28:15)

At times, I've wanted to lash out at those whom I felt had done me wrong, But the LORD kept my mouth shut.. (Psa. 13)

Sometimes, I think the money just isn't enough, But GOD has helped me to keep the lights on, the water on, the car paid, the house paid, etc.., (Matt. 6:25 -34)

When I thought I would fall, HE kept me up. When I thought I was weak, HE kept me strong! (I Pet. 5:7, Matt. 11:28-30)

I could go on and on and on, but I'm sure you hear me! I'm blessed to be 'kept '

I'm "Kept" by the Love and Grace of God

I got this today and thought I would share...God's grace is amazing.

I am blessed to have amazing friends that like to have in depth conversations and I have been meaning to blog about several of them. My dear friend, Donald, has taught me something about pride. Basically...it is STUPID. The world has become SO ridiculously politically correct that we can't do ANYTHING without offending someone. He is composing a politically INcorrect song that I can't wait to hear. He lives by this principle...if he finds himself angry with someone, he takes a minute to see if the reason he is angry boils down to pride. If it does...he tosses it out. Pride is just an insecurity...and it is foolish. Thing about that the next time you get angry...

I had an in depth discussion about life with my ex husband about priorities. If you knew him while we were married you would understand the irony but he is a different man these days. He is living proof that God can do amazing things. Anyways...he had been talking to a man about what was important in life. No one gets to their death bed and wishes they had worked harder or more hours. No one wishes they had been more dedicated to their job. No one will ever have on their tombstone, "Loyal employee." In death, we are not remembered by the things that we did or didn't do...we are remembered for how we loved. "Devoted mother and wife," or "Loving father and husband." How do YOU want to be remembered?

The title is "Disengaging." That came about from conversations with Lashawn. By disengaging, you take control of a situation...you don't give anyone power. I guess that is what I am trying to do these days...

I think I am getting old...:).

E. T.

The Extra-Terrestrial. How many times have you seen this movie? I LOVED E.T. as a child...watched it over and over. I remember studying the flowers in theater arts...my teacher was trying to teach symbolism and foreshadowing. The flowers wilting represented the amount of time E.T. had left to live. Heavy stuff:). We recorded it off of television for Bishop to watch and have been sitting here watching it for the last hour. Funny what you notice now...as an adult. The mom is a struggling single mom...worried about money and her kids....too stressed and busy to notice an alien living with them. In the beginning she is told her husband is in Mexico with his girlfriend and she begins to cry and gets upset because he "hates Mexico." I just found it interesting...maybe I should watch more of the movies I watched as a child. The same things my kids don't understand about Shrek, I guess I didn't understand about E.T. and the Muppets. I wonder what I would get out of Dirty Dancing these days...:).

LOL...we are halfway through the movie and the mom just started grumbling about Mexico again. It just goes to show...no matter the decade, no matter the reason, the who, what, when, where, why, how, how much, how little....being a single mom is a challenge. Be extra nice to them...

The great state of Oklahoma

I just spent $45.00 to get an "official" copy of my birth certificate. $15.00 for the actual certficate, $10.95 processing fee, and $20.00 for shipping. WTF?! That is quite a racket, Oklahoma. No wonder you give away medical and childcare like it's nothing...SHEESH!

I haven't blogged in awhile...life has a way of...happening I guess:). I got to take a FABULOUS roadtrip with LaShawn...there are pics in my photo albums. 6 hours to Lubbock on a Friday night, party like a rockstar on Saturday, 6 hours home on Sunday. WHEW:)! We ate, drank, and were merry with my other family and it was EXACTLY what I needed. Lyndon, Mandy...love you guys...seriously!!! Shawnee and I had some serious heart to hearts...it was an amazing trip. *tears...:)*

I still have no full time job...or no oFFICIAL one I should say. I work full time hours...just with half the pay and no benefits:). I am trusting God on that one...truly given it to him. He will put me where he needs me...I am taking another certification test in March...we'll see if that opens some doors. I have started to worry at times and said...well, what if...but I stopped that and decided to have faith.

Bishop and Shay are doing really good. They are changing before my eyes and sometimes that kills me. Shayden is getting REALLY close to three and is just a minature version of me...seriously...it is scary:).

Let's see...what else? I have all kinds of things planned for later this year. Jodi, Donald, and & are planning a "turning 30" trip to Mexico this summer...hence the $45 birth certificate. Lots of traveling...lots of time with the people who matter most...

Life is never without tragedy and turmoil and mine has been no exception. I have had a lot of things weighing heavy on my heart and God has really been convicting me about a lot of things. The preacher at our church is not afraid to step on toes and suffice it to say that he crunched mine pretty good:). Heart to hearts with Shawnee and Jo have also left me with a lot to think about. I'm not ready to blog it all yet but I am starting to make some serious changes....:)

A friend of mine recently asked why I blog? I have been blogging on blogger lately and after I received a pretty ugly comment I began to wonder myself. But the answer is easy...it is my vice. I don't drink (ok...I don't drink A LOT:), I don't smoke, I don't kick stray dogs...I blog:). I put myself out there...for everyone to see...the good, the bad, the insane:). And I guess I hope it helps others realize they aren't the only neurotic people in the world...I am crazy too:)

Happy Thursday my friends...I am off to play on Webkinz...er...I mean...something cooler than that....:)

No school....YAYA:)

That's HAWT :)

My little Mclovin's

Red Raider Love

KISS MY ASS :)

No more anonymous comments....

"fuuny how your post from weeks before state no more advice for divorce ...but yet you still keep blogging about it. get over it already!"


I have been called on the carpet by an anonymous blogger...I stated I was tired of advice about my divorce. A couple of weeks later I blogged about it again...but ya know what...

IT IS MY BLOG:)! I can be hypocritical, bitchy, loving, uplifting, mean....I get to say whatever I want...:)

This is my outlet...my way to get my thoughts out of my head so that they might make sense...whoever left it....you are a coward for being anonymous....and you should learn to spell:). I may say things from time to time that contradict or even make no sense...but I have the guts to put my name on it...

If you don't like it...well...you read the title....

Everyone else...sorry...I felt the need to respond...

Patience

Hmmm....

Well, I attempted to post something on here yesterday and it became a little irate and so I removed it. Someone saw it and will never know how much I appreciated the kind words. The world is NOT all bad...:).

I have a long ways to go in the healing process. I think I know what I want...but the timing has to be right, it has to be what God wants, AND there has to be a lot of healing. A LOT of healing. I feel like I am back at square one which is exactly where God wants me to be. I didn't learn what I needed to learn...that God needs to be my crutch...my Rock...no one else. Some have said that I have to stand on my own two feet...but ya know what...I don't have to stand...I can lean...on Christ. I KNOW, without a doubt, that God will get me where he wants me to be...I can stop trying to control things.

This doesn't mean I won't want to write more blogs like yesterday's or that I will stop all the crying. It just means I have taken a baby step...

I will pray for myself, for my kids, and yes...Brad, too. Though I am so angry that I can't see straight...I can't bring myself to hate him...I still want the father of my kids to get it together.

Thank you friends:)

My goal now is to pra

It feels like Sunday...

...and I hate Sunday's. Sounds horrible, I know, but we go to church on Saturday so it isn't as bad as it seems:). Sunday's just have a horrible effect on me...I start the week on Monday with a positive outlook and I generally make it through the week okay. Saturday's are either really busy or really laid back but then we hit Sunday. And for whatever reason...I fall apart. I don't know what it is...I miss my house, I miss the feeling that someone loved me even if they weren't around. I miss the security...I don't even know what I miss...I just know that what I have right now isn't enough. Sunday's suck:).

And today felt like Sunday...and once again in my life, I feel like yesterday's garbage. And that is just a very awful way to feel. Door's open and door's close...but I am just standing in the doorway and don't know whether to go in or out.

Sunday's suck...

It's been a long day....more headaches than I care to even blog about......but God has a way of getting to us even when we do our best to avoid Him. It was the kind of day with lots of tears and frustration and feelings of complete inadequecy. The kids and I read from a WWJD book every night before bed and tonight the story was about a mother who was sad and how Jesus brought her son back to life to make her happy. It ended with this short prayer...

"Dear Lord, thank You for all of the happy times in my life. When I am sad, please help me to think about You so I can be happy again. I love you. In Jesus' name, Amen."

Yeah Lord...I got it....:)

Christmas favs

Just for fun :)

Photo Journal...

I have to take a picture everyday....there are NO rules...I just have to take a picture. I challanged my bff's, Lashawn & Jodi, to create a photo journal for 2009. I knew Shawnee would join...she's a photographer...come on...she HAD too:). Jodi surprised me with a yes as well so we are doing it!! The catch is it is NOT online...we have to print them...glue them into a book (yes, we have the right glue) and at the end of the year we will get together over appletini's and have a merry time sharing them. Anyone who would like to attempt this with us is welcome too!! It is actually funny because I find myself looking for a picture...what inspires me today? What will I wish to remember about THIS day in 20 years? After all..."This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

Now...aren't you impressed that I LINKED websites to names...whoo hoo:)!!!!

Please NOTE

The FABULOUS new design on my blog...many thanks & kudos to my insanely wonderful BFF, LaShawn:)

And please also note that all divorce advice and or comments will NO longer be accepted as it is a new year & I am tired of hearing it...

It has been a day....can ya tell:)? Divorce illicits a different response in everyone but it certainly never fails to GET a response. Everyone has an opinion about what I have done, about what I haven't done, about what I SHOULD have done, about EVERYTHING...and I am closing the door to any and all opinions. I may have a button made that I can hold up anyone starts to say, "Well, I think...." Lashawn...maybe we could capitilize on this somehow...:)

It is cold, I am tired...so I am going to curl up and go to sleep....

WHAT IS ONE THING THAT YOU WILL DO IN THE NEXT YEARAND ONE THING THAT YOU WON’T DO?

Will do:

Pay closer attention the little things. I am NOT going to stop and smell the roses (unless of course they are delivered to myself with a card that says, "I can't stop thinking about you!") BUT I do want to appreciate smiles from strangers and pennies on the ground. Life happens why we are busy making other plans...I WILL enjoy moments more...Happy New DAY...not year:)!

Won't do:

Be bitter. I will not let my cynacism control me. I will not make others pay for the mistakes made by my ex husband or lost friends. I have been the world's worst cynic for too long. It is time to trust more and give the benefit of the doubt.

Lashawn...you going to have a snack with me??

This is MY year. MINE! I turn 30 this year (shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!) so I am claiming it for ME! 2008 was...well it was what it was...and I spent the entire year just trying to survive and find myself. I've come a LONG ways in rediscovering Shana so now it is time to live again. SO...in the spirit of living and learning...I am determined to learn how to make the perfect apple martini:).

2009 RESOLUTIONS

1) JOB...full time teaching position. To believe in myself...believe that the perfect position is out there for me and believe that I will be a great teacher.

2) IMAGE...I have a very unhealthy self image. Nothing about me is perfect...not my hair, my body...it never will be...I have kids:). But the key is acceptance of the things I can't change and the sense to change the things I can...aka..lose weight. I know THAT one is a shock:)

3) FAITH...I am on the right track. I am back to letting Jesus take the wheel instead of making him ride in the trunk:). I still try to grab the wheel at times but I am doing better. My prayer life is still not what I want it to be...I used to be a prayer warrior and that got lost...I WILL change that.

4) PRIDE...forget it. Pride is stupid...I worry that people think I am not doing enough because I live at home. Or that they judge every step I take...the reality is that some do...I just shouldn't care. Judgement is reserved for One and beyond that I need not care. As long as I feel I am where God wants me...than I need to stop worrying about what people think.

I know I said this is MY year...and it is. But it isn't mine alone...it belongs to all things important to me...to my relationship with Christ, my kids....it will be a good year. Divorce is very humbling...suddenly everything you valued is gone...the husband, the house, your family is dissolved and there is nothing you can do. But when you finally get to the other side...past the anger & bitterness...and you stop trying to prove your tough (who, me?!) and let God take over...it is pretty amazing. Not perfect...but still amazing.

I am ready to move on with my life. Ready to forgive, forget, and move FORWARD.
Happy 2009...thank you to everyone...I couldn't have survived 2008 without such amazing people around me...
:)