Disengaging...

I Am a 'Kept ' Woman? You see, there were a few times when I thought I would lose my mind, But GOD kept me sane. (Isa. 26:3)

There were times when I thought I could go no longer, But the LORD kept me moving. (Gen 28:15)

At times, I've wanted to lash out at those whom I felt had done me wrong, But the LORD kept my mouth shut.. (Psa. 13)

Sometimes, I think the money just isn't enough, But GOD has helped me to keep the lights on, the water on, the car paid, the house paid, etc.., (Matt. 6:25 -34)

When I thought I would fall, HE kept me up. When I thought I was weak, HE kept me strong! (I Pet. 5:7, Matt. 11:28-30)

I could go on and on and on, but I'm sure you hear me! I'm blessed to be 'kept '

I'm "Kept" by the Love and Grace of God

I got this today and thought I would share...God's grace is amazing.

I am blessed to have amazing friends that like to have in depth conversations and I have been meaning to blog about several of them. My dear friend, Donald, has taught me something about pride. Basically...it is STUPID. The world has become SO ridiculously politically correct that we can't do ANYTHING without offending someone. He is composing a politically INcorrect song that I can't wait to hear. He lives by this principle...if he finds himself angry with someone, he takes a minute to see if the reason he is angry boils down to pride. If it does...he tosses it out. Pride is just an insecurity...and it is foolish. Thing about that the next time you get angry...

I had an in depth discussion about life with my ex husband about priorities. If you knew him while we were married you would understand the irony but he is a different man these days. He is living proof that God can do amazing things. Anyways...he had been talking to a man about what was important in life. No one gets to their death bed and wishes they had worked harder or more hours. No one wishes they had been more dedicated to their job. No one will ever have on their tombstone, "Loyal employee." In death, we are not remembered by the things that we did or didn't do...we are remembered for how we loved. "Devoted mother and wife," or "Loving father and husband." How do YOU want to be remembered?

The title is "Disengaging." That came about from conversations with Lashawn. By disengaging, you take control of a situation...you don't give anyone power. I guess that is what I am trying to do these days...

I think I am getting old...:).

E. T.

The Extra-Terrestrial. How many times have you seen this movie? I LOVED E.T. as a child...watched it over and over. I remember studying the flowers in theater arts...my teacher was trying to teach symbolism and foreshadowing. The flowers wilting represented the amount of time E.T. had left to live. Heavy stuff:). We recorded it off of television for Bishop to watch and have been sitting here watching it for the last hour. Funny what you notice now...as an adult. The mom is a struggling single mom...worried about money and her kids....too stressed and busy to notice an alien living with them. In the beginning she is told her husband is in Mexico with his girlfriend and she begins to cry and gets upset because he "hates Mexico." I just found it interesting...maybe I should watch more of the movies I watched as a child. The same things my kids don't understand about Shrek, I guess I didn't understand about E.T. and the Muppets. I wonder what I would get out of Dirty Dancing these days...:).

LOL...we are halfway through the movie and the mom just started grumbling about Mexico again. It just goes to show...no matter the decade, no matter the reason, the who, what, when, where, why, how, how much, how little....being a single mom is a challenge. Be extra nice to them...

The great state of Oklahoma

I just spent $45.00 to get an "official" copy of my birth certificate. $15.00 for the actual certficate, $10.95 processing fee, and $20.00 for shipping. WTF?! That is quite a racket, Oklahoma. No wonder you give away medical and childcare like it's nothing...SHEESH!

I haven't blogged in awhile...life has a way of...happening I guess:). I got to take a FABULOUS roadtrip with LaShawn...there are pics in my photo albums. 6 hours to Lubbock on a Friday night, party like a rockstar on Saturday, 6 hours home on Sunday. WHEW:)! We ate, drank, and were merry with my other family and it was EXACTLY what I needed. Lyndon, Mandy...love you guys...seriously!!! Shawnee and I had some serious heart to hearts...it was an amazing trip. *tears...:)*

I still have no full time job...or no oFFICIAL one I should say. I work full time hours...just with half the pay and no benefits:). I am trusting God on that one...truly given it to him. He will put me where he needs me...I am taking another certification test in March...we'll see if that opens some doors. I have started to worry at times and said...well, what if...but I stopped that and decided to have faith.

Bishop and Shay are doing really good. They are changing before my eyes and sometimes that kills me. Shayden is getting REALLY close to three and is just a minature version of me...seriously...it is scary:).

Let's see...what else? I have all kinds of things planned for later this year. Jodi, Donald, and & are planning a "turning 30" trip to Mexico this summer...hence the $45 birth certificate. Lots of traveling...lots of time with the people who matter most...

Life is never without tragedy and turmoil and mine has been no exception. I have had a lot of things weighing heavy on my heart and God has really been convicting me about a lot of things. The preacher at our church is not afraid to step on toes and suffice it to say that he crunched mine pretty good:). Heart to hearts with Shawnee and Jo have also left me with a lot to think about. I'm not ready to blog it all yet but I am starting to make some serious changes....:)

A friend of mine recently asked why I blog? I have been blogging on blogger lately and after I received a pretty ugly comment I began to wonder myself. But the answer is easy...it is my vice. I don't drink (ok...I don't drink A LOT:), I don't smoke, I don't kick stray dogs...I blog:). I put myself out there...for everyone to see...the good, the bad, the insane:). And I guess I hope it helps others realize they aren't the only neurotic people in the world...I am crazy too:)

Happy Thursday my friends...I am off to play on Webkinz...er...I mean...something cooler than that....:)

No school....YAYA:)

That's HAWT :)

My little Mclovin's

Red Raider Love

KISS MY ASS :)

No more anonymous comments....

"fuuny how your post from weeks before state no more advice for divorce ...but yet you still keep blogging about it. get over it already!"


I have been called on the carpet by an anonymous blogger...I stated I was tired of advice about my divorce. A couple of weeks later I blogged about it again...but ya know what...

IT IS MY BLOG:)! I can be hypocritical, bitchy, loving, uplifting, mean....I get to say whatever I want...:)

This is my outlet...my way to get my thoughts out of my head so that they might make sense...whoever left it....you are a coward for being anonymous....and you should learn to spell:). I may say things from time to time that contradict or even make no sense...but I have the guts to put my name on it...

If you don't like it...well...you read the title....

Everyone else...sorry...I felt the need to respond...

Patience

Hmmm....

Well, I attempted to post something on here yesterday and it became a little irate and so I removed it. Someone saw it and will never know how much I appreciated the kind words. The world is NOT all bad...:).

I have a long ways to go in the healing process. I think I know what I want...but the timing has to be right, it has to be what God wants, AND there has to be a lot of healing. A LOT of healing. I feel like I am back at square one which is exactly where God wants me to be. I didn't learn what I needed to learn...that God needs to be my crutch...my Rock...no one else. Some have said that I have to stand on my own two feet...but ya know what...I don't have to stand...I can lean...on Christ. I KNOW, without a doubt, that God will get me where he wants me to be...I can stop trying to control things.

This doesn't mean I won't want to write more blogs like yesterday's or that I will stop all the crying. It just means I have taken a baby step...

I will pray for myself, for my kids, and yes...Brad, too. Though I am so angry that I can't see straight...I can't bring myself to hate him...I still want the father of my kids to get it together.

Thank you friends:)

My goal now is to pra

It feels like Sunday...

...and I hate Sunday's. Sounds horrible, I know, but we go to church on Saturday so it isn't as bad as it seems:). Sunday's just have a horrible effect on me...I start the week on Monday with a positive outlook and I generally make it through the week okay. Saturday's are either really busy or really laid back but then we hit Sunday. And for whatever reason...I fall apart. I don't know what it is...I miss my house, I miss the feeling that someone loved me even if they weren't around. I miss the security...I don't even know what I miss...I just know that what I have right now isn't enough. Sunday's suck:).

And today felt like Sunday...and once again in my life, I feel like yesterday's garbage. And that is just a very awful way to feel. Door's open and door's close...but I am just standing in the doorway and don't know whether to go in or out.

Sunday's suck...

It's been a long day....more headaches than I care to even blog about......but God has a way of getting to us even when we do our best to avoid Him. It was the kind of day with lots of tears and frustration and feelings of complete inadequecy. The kids and I read from a WWJD book every night before bed and tonight the story was about a mother who was sad and how Jesus brought her son back to life to make her happy. It ended with this short prayer...

"Dear Lord, thank You for all of the happy times in my life. When I am sad, please help me to think about You so I can be happy again. I love you. In Jesus' name, Amen."

Yeah Lord...I got it....:)

Christmas favs

Just for fun :)