Lenton Devotional

written by: Henri J.M. Nouwen

The great challenge of faith is to be surprised by joy. I remember sitting at a dinner table discussing the economic depression of the country. We kept throwing out statistics that made us increasingly convinced that things could not get worse. Then suddenly the 4 year old son of one of my friends opened the door, ran to his father and said, "Look Daddy, Look! I found a little kitten in the yard...LOOK...isn't she cute?" While showing the kitten to his father, the little boy stroked the little kitten with his hand and held it against his face. All at once eveything changed. The little boy and his kitten became the center of attention. There were smiles, strokes, and many tender words. We were surprised by joy.

God became a little child in the midst of a violent world. Are we surprised by joy or do we keep saying, "How nice and sweet, but the reality is different." What if the child reveals to us what is really Real?

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and sustain me in a willing spirit." Psalm 51:12

I am behind in my Lenton devotional book...I KNOW...terrible:). But this one really spoke to me today so I wanted to share. I have been really struggling with the state of this country and the fear of where we are headed. This reminded me that I need not fear...

Picture Update :)

Bishop is LEARNING TO RIDE A BIKE With NO training wheels:)

AND...he learned how to crash...LOL. How can a kid cry over a papercut but never shed a tear when he crashes 17 times??

More Pics

Shay going down the slide at the new A-town McD's



Bishop gets under the hood to fix the problem:)

Another infamous pose of the girls...Shay is not REALLY choking Shyanne...just bad photo moment!

Another infamous photo...Brad's "watchdog"

We went to the movies over Spring Break and Shayden wanted to sit in Bubba's lap...Bedtime Stories was...ok:)

More pics

The new do:




I am raising her to be a camera diva...

This shows Shay's personality perfectly...:)

I got my soccor mom card back...lol. Ok...maybe not but Bishop is a GREAT soccor player!

Tres....the new family cat

Playing Catch Up

This is my "catch up" day and that includes the blog. I have been cleaning, I have had the KIDS cleaning, I've been doing homework, and catching up on DVR. I have been working on a blog about America and how sad it is to watch out country right now...but I haven't finished it so for now...catch up time:).

I had an interview and many of you sent emails and prayers...THANK YOU. The interview itself went really well. I was immediatly intimidated when I walked in...there were three women waiting. I did feel confident though...this is an area that I understand. They asked about the Restaurant Association test which I have taken and passed. They asked what I think a big problem facing teachers is and I answered LACK OF PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT (be involved parents!!!). We talked about what programs they want and what I feel would be good for them to offer. It went very well and they were complimentary. It was easier because I went in with the attitude that this will or won't work out and that is okay...I want to be where God needs me to be. The job is exactly what I want...the situation is exactly what I don't want. The plus side: Family & Consumer Science and they want my input on what classes to teach; they DO have a Chicken Express; PK is close by:). Down side: It would require moving to Graham...about 2 hours west of here. Graham is a great place but I would have no help of any kind. And I know that millions of women before me have done it and millions after me will as well...but I don't want that. I have great admiration for women who have done it with no one...but that is not how God intended it to be and I am blessed to be in a situation where it doesn't have to be that way. SO....anyways...we will see. If God makes it obvious that Graham is my plan...then I WILL go...I know if He leads me there, HE will work it out. So...you see the dilemma...I will keep you posted. They are accepting apps until the end of April so I don't expect to hear anything too soon.

And that is about it...lol. I am still subbing...I just finished a long term subbing position as a school receptionist. Wow...that changed my way of thinking on MANY things. We are such an instant gratification society...but I guess that can be another blog in itself:). Everyone should have the opportunity to do reception work for a week...it will be life changing. I learned to pray for people that came in angry...and I learned that you shouldn't piss off the lady that handles phone calls...hmmmmmmmm...chew on that one:).The kids are fabulous. We went to Bishop's open house the other day and it was interesting. Should I be concerned that everyone referred to him as "Jedi Bishop"???? He is already doing 1st great work and reading like a champ...he is too smart for his own good. His computer teacher did comment on his vocabulary and if you sit down with Bishop for any amount of time...you will understand...he is a mini adult in a 6 year old body. We got him signed up for soccer and he is excited to start that. Shayden is still a diva. She is such a toddler now...no more baby:(. She refuses to learn her colors...we work on them all the time...I often wonder if she is color blind or if she just doesn't care. The entire world is purple...hmmmmmmmmmmmm. She is a "Bubba's" girl...she follows Bishop EVERYWHERE. Right now, they are sitting in the living room, together in the same chair, watching Clone Wars. She is becoming a Star Wars nerd in her own right...God help us:). She still has the same boyfriend and still insists on having a say in her shoes and bows. We are battling the word "no" and "I don't WANT to." She has more attitude than I can muster at times...I DREAD the teenage years!!!!!

I am still boring:). I am planning a trip to Albuqurque in April and Key West in June...traveling with Jodi of course. Gotta do something to stay young...30 is looming:).

Have a FABULOUS day...thank you God for Spring Break!!!!

Disengaging...

I Am a 'Kept ' Woman? You see, there were a few times when I thought I would lose my mind, But GOD kept me sane. (Isa. 26:3)

There were times when I thought I could go no longer, But the LORD kept me moving. (Gen 28:15)

At times, I've wanted to lash out at those whom I felt had done me wrong, But the LORD kept my mouth shut.. (Psa. 13)

Sometimes, I think the money just isn't enough, But GOD has helped me to keep the lights on, the water on, the car paid, the house paid, etc.., (Matt. 6:25 -34)

When I thought I would fall, HE kept me up. When I thought I was weak, HE kept me strong! (I Pet. 5:7, Matt. 11:28-30)

I could go on and on and on, but I'm sure you hear me! I'm blessed to be 'kept '

I'm "Kept" by the Love and Grace of God

I got this today and thought I would share...God's grace is amazing.

I am blessed to have amazing friends that like to have in depth conversations and I have been meaning to blog about several of them. My dear friend, Donald, has taught me something about pride. Basically...it is STUPID. The world has become SO ridiculously politically correct that we can't do ANYTHING without offending someone. He is composing a politically INcorrect song that I can't wait to hear. He lives by this principle...if he finds himself angry with someone, he takes a minute to see if the reason he is angry boils down to pride. If it does...he tosses it out. Pride is just an insecurity...and it is foolish. Thing about that the next time you get angry...

I had an in depth discussion about life with my ex husband about priorities. If you knew him while we were married you would understand the irony but he is a different man these days. He is living proof that God can do amazing things. Anyways...he had been talking to a man about what was important in life. No one gets to their death bed and wishes they had worked harder or more hours. No one wishes they had been more dedicated to their job. No one will ever have on their tombstone, "Loyal employee." In death, we are not remembered by the things that we did or didn't do...we are remembered for how we loved. "Devoted mother and wife," or "Loving father and husband." How do YOU want to be remembered?

The title is "Disengaging." That came about from conversations with Lashawn. By disengaging, you take control of a situation...you don't give anyone power. I guess that is what I am trying to do these days...

I think I am getting old...:).

E. T.

The Extra-Terrestrial. How many times have you seen this movie? I LOVED E.T. as a child...watched it over and over. I remember studying the flowers in theater arts...my teacher was trying to teach symbolism and foreshadowing. The flowers wilting represented the amount of time E.T. had left to live. Heavy stuff:). We recorded it off of television for Bishop to watch and have been sitting here watching it for the last hour. Funny what you notice now...as an adult. The mom is a struggling single mom...worried about money and her kids....too stressed and busy to notice an alien living with them. In the beginning she is told her husband is in Mexico with his girlfriend and she begins to cry and gets upset because he "hates Mexico." I just found it interesting...maybe I should watch more of the movies I watched as a child. The same things my kids don't understand about Shrek, I guess I didn't understand about E.T. and the Muppets. I wonder what I would get out of Dirty Dancing these days...:).

LOL...we are halfway through the movie and the mom just started grumbling about Mexico again. It just goes to show...no matter the decade, no matter the reason, the who, what, when, where, why, how, how much, how little....being a single mom is a challenge. Be extra nice to them...

The great state of Oklahoma

I just spent $45.00 to get an "official" copy of my birth certificate. $15.00 for the actual certficate, $10.95 processing fee, and $20.00 for shipping. WTF?! That is quite a racket, Oklahoma. No wonder you give away medical and childcare like it's nothing...SHEESH!

I haven't blogged in awhile...life has a way of...happening I guess:). I got to take a FABULOUS roadtrip with LaShawn...there are pics in my photo albums. 6 hours to Lubbock on a Friday night, party like a rockstar on Saturday, 6 hours home on Sunday. WHEW:)! We ate, drank, and were merry with my other family and it was EXACTLY what I needed. Lyndon, Mandy...love you guys...seriously!!! Shawnee and I had some serious heart to hearts...it was an amazing trip. *tears...:)*

I still have no full time job...or no oFFICIAL one I should say. I work full time hours...just with half the pay and no benefits:). I am trusting God on that one...truly given it to him. He will put me where he needs me...I am taking another certification test in March...we'll see if that opens some doors. I have started to worry at times and said...well, what if...but I stopped that and decided to have faith.

Bishop and Shay are doing really good. They are changing before my eyes and sometimes that kills me. Shayden is getting REALLY close to three and is just a minature version of me...seriously...it is scary:).

Let's see...what else? I have all kinds of things planned for later this year. Jodi, Donald, and & are planning a "turning 30" trip to Mexico this summer...hence the $45 birth certificate. Lots of traveling...lots of time with the people who matter most...

Life is never without tragedy and turmoil and mine has been no exception. I have had a lot of things weighing heavy on my heart and God has really been convicting me about a lot of things. The preacher at our church is not afraid to step on toes and suffice it to say that he crunched mine pretty good:). Heart to hearts with Shawnee and Jo have also left me with a lot to think about. I'm not ready to blog it all yet but I am starting to make some serious changes....:)

A friend of mine recently asked why I blog? I have been blogging on blogger lately and after I received a pretty ugly comment I began to wonder myself. But the answer is easy...it is my vice. I don't drink (ok...I don't drink A LOT:), I don't smoke, I don't kick stray dogs...I blog:). I put myself out there...for everyone to see...the good, the bad, the insane:). And I guess I hope it helps others realize they aren't the only neurotic people in the world...I am crazy too:)

Happy Thursday my friends...I am off to play on Webkinz...er...I mean...something cooler than that....:)

No school....YAYA:)

That's HAWT :)

My little Mclovin's

Red Raider Love

KISS MY ASS :)

No more anonymous comments....

"fuuny how your post from weeks before state no more advice for divorce ...but yet you still keep blogging about it. get over it already!"


I have been called on the carpet by an anonymous blogger...I stated I was tired of advice about my divorce. A couple of weeks later I blogged about it again...but ya know what...

IT IS MY BLOG:)! I can be hypocritical, bitchy, loving, uplifting, mean....I get to say whatever I want...:)

This is my outlet...my way to get my thoughts out of my head so that they might make sense...whoever left it....you are a coward for being anonymous....and you should learn to spell:). I may say things from time to time that contradict or even make no sense...but I have the guts to put my name on it...

If you don't like it...well...you read the title....

Everyone else...sorry...I felt the need to respond...

Patience

Hmmm....

Well, I attempted to post something on here yesterday and it became a little irate and so I removed it. Someone saw it and will never know how much I appreciated the kind words. The world is NOT all bad...:).

I have a long ways to go in the healing process. I think I know what I want...but the timing has to be right, it has to be what God wants, AND there has to be a lot of healing. A LOT of healing. I feel like I am back at square one which is exactly where God wants me to be. I didn't learn what I needed to learn...that God needs to be my crutch...my Rock...no one else. Some have said that I have to stand on my own two feet...but ya know what...I don't have to stand...I can lean...on Christ. I KNOW, without a doubt, that God will get me where he wants me to be...I can stop trying to control things.

This doesn't mean I won't want to write more blogs like yesterday's or that I will stop all the crying. It just means I have taken a baby step...

I will pray for myself, for my kids, and yes...Brad, too. Though I am so angry that I can't see straight...I can't bring myself to hate him...I still want the father of my kids to get it together.

Thank you friends:)

My goal now is to pra

It feels like Sunday...

...and I hate Sunday's. Sounds horrible, I know, but we go to church on Saturday so it isn't as bad as it seems:). Sunday's just have a horrible effect on me...I start the week on Monday with a positive outlook and I generally make it through the week okay. Saturday's are either really busy or really laid back but then we hit Sunday. And for whatever reason...I fall apart. I don't know what it is...I miss my house, I miss the feeling that someone loved me even if they weren't around. I miss the security...I don't even know what I miss...I just know that what I have right now isn't enough. Sunday's suck:).

And today felt like Sunday...and once again in my life, I feel like yesterday's garbage. And that is just a very awful way to feel. Door's open and door's close...but I am just standing in the doorway and don't know whether to go in or out.

Sunday's suck...

It's been a long day....more headaches than I care to even blog about......but God has a way of getting to us even when we do our best to avoid Him. It was the kind of day with lots of tears and frustration and feelings of complete inadequecy. The kids and I read from a WWJD book every night before bed and tonight the story was about a mother who was sad and how Jesus brought her son back to life to make her happy. It ended with this short prayer...

"Dear Lord, thank You for all of the happy times in my life. When I am sad, please help me to think about You so I can be happy again. I love you. In Jesus' name, Amen."

Yeah Lord...I got it....:)