One door closes...

...and another door OPENS!!!

Okay...sometimes we have to squeeze through windows...but you get the idea. God does not close one door without showing you a new door. One of my favorite sayings .

(*ahem* Lashawn. We DO need to have some door prints printed...but I digress...)

The door to my 5 year stint at McDonald's didn't just close...it slammed shut. That is another blog in itself but regardless of how it ended, I was a little sad. I loved that job...I loved the kids, the people I met...it truly was a job I enjoyed...and that I was good at. I was just a little broken hearted and at a loss as to what to do next. I still sub and I stay home for the most part...but I like having a LITTLE money that is mine...ya know?

God is good:)

I had heard of Scentsy for awhile but had just been ignoring it's existance:). I thought it was just another party or candle of the month. I just wasn't interested in ANYTHING with the word home and party. It wasn't until I was subbing for a teacher at my mom's school that I discovered what it was...and I was hooked:). I turned on that woman's Scentsy warmer and fell in love. No more stinky 7th graders:).

Anyways...I just wanted to share my new venture with anyone who happens to still read this blog..lol. Go check out my website or call me if you want to smell some of the scents. It really does sell itself. Not only does it smell FANTASTIC...it is safe around kids, pets, and/or clumsy husbands:).

If you ARE interested in having a party...let me know. I am REALLY excited to have my first one!!! I am SURE there would be an extra treat for my very first hostess!!! *insert cheesy smile and doe eyes here*

Okay...I'm done...no more sales pitch:)

Brad & Shana...the Sequel

Why?

I get asked that a lot. Why? Why are you guys getting remarried? Why have a wedding? Why do we feel the need to try again?

As the date draws closer...I have asked myself why we are making a big fuss over our second wedding. We had one...it was beautiful...and we got divorced. And then...it was made plain to me AGAIN why we are doing what we are doing.

TO GIVE GLORY TO GOD.

Our first attempt at marriage was a lesson in how NOT to be married. I believe that we loved each other...we just didn't know how to effectively communicate. And the fact that we were both stubborn and selfish in our own ways MIGHT have contributed a little...or a lot:). If you want to know exactly how to do it WRONG...shoot me an email:).

Why? Why did you get divorced in the first place? Maybe you slit up too fast? Do you regret it? What an expensive learning process?

Yep. It was an expensive learning process...we can't argue that one:). Do I regret it? NO. Never. Sounds crazy to most people but we had to hit rock bottom as a couple to truly become who God wanted us to be.

Our preacher did a sermon on marriage after we split up and we both happened to be there on that day. I say, happened...Brad called and asked to go to church with me. How do you say no to that?? I did not want to take that up with God so I said yes. My preacher looked directly at me and said, "God can save your marriage." I seriously thought I was going to melt into my seat...what?!? We are divorced, Pastor Rick, didn't you get the memo?? Hello, God...you were there when I signed the papers. It is OVER. Done. The fat lady has sung and left. Our preacher went on to say that there is one thing God hates more than divorce...and that is couples that stay together for the sake of staying together. Which is what Brad and I had become....which is what a LOT of couples have become. I imagine I was not the only one squirming in my seat that day...

So...why are we getting married again?

TO GIVE GLORY TO GOD.

We want to stand before our friends and family...our children...and show them what God can do in THEIR lives...if they just let him. He can move mountains...believe me...if you knew how stale our marriage had become...you would know just how insurmountable this seemed.

No marriage is perfect and this one will be no different. We will face more trials and tribulation....I just think we have the right tools to deal with them now.

If I could give one piece of unsolicted marriage advice...I would take the wise words of a dear friend of mine. Bend your knees now...so God doesn't have to break them. Ours were broken...severed. But they are healed by the one who took our place...:).

Blessings friends...we can't wait to see everyone on Saturday!!

Decade in review...

2000 - I survived Y2K...which technically isn't saying much but the media DID try to scare us. Due to our impending mortality, my bff at the time and I dressed as new years princesses...kind of hot:) I'd post pics if I wasn't scared of my storage unit.

2001 - Big year for me...graduated from college with a fabulous degree that has earned me exactly NADA:) Also got hitched...can you hear the wedding bells singing softly??

2002 - BIGGER year...had first child in October. Changed my life...I cannot even express how it changed my life. I remember looking at him in the hospital...drugged, scared...and alone...and thinking...nothing else in THIS world matters....and I knew that God was very real.

2003 - Bought our first house...I became queen of the doublewide:) YES...I've heard the redneck jokes:). Let me give you another laugh...we had goats...as pets...they had names. Tinkerbell, Buzz and Lady...and Lady was retarded...and had seizures...shut up.

2004 - I can't think of anything too eventful...Brad went back to school...Bishop turned 2...

2005 - Got pregnant with baby #2...later to be named Shayden. We were praying about whether we wanted another child and it happened...so regardless of how some see it...she WAS and IS an answer to prayer.

2006 - Shayden came into the world kicking and screaming as any good diva does. Lost my grandmother...someone who loved me unconditionally and whole heartedly. Shayden had colic for 6 months...marriage began to slowly become...stale.

2007 - NEW HOME...brick, 2 car garage, 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath, 3 living areas...the American Dream...ended the year on a bad note. Husband left on New Year's Eve...not a good way to bring in the new year. Did I mention we were supposed to have a party? I can literally hear the party horns fizzling...

2008 - Where to begin? Discovered the world again...remembered who SHANA was. Discovered I was stronger than I ever imagined. Discovered that I can do ANYTHING through CHRIST. Went to work full time for the first time in my life...struggled, battled, prayed, got ditched by lots of people...climbed my way back up...whew. Ended the year struggling with whether or not to give ex husband a chance...

2009 - Lubbock journey changed my life:). Started dating ex husband and allowed God to work in both of us. Sat down at church one evening and preacher looked directly at me and said, "God can save your marriage." Cried hysterically...listened, trusted...God is good, and faithful...and well...just all around awesome. Brad & I will get remarried in April...


I truly just discovered that the children born in 1979 get to begin each decade at a milestone year...in 2000 we all turned 20...this year, we all turn 30. How very cool. I am 30! Did you hear that world? THIRTY. I get to start the new decade as a REAL adult...are you laughing?

Seriously...I know it will be another crazy ride...I also know I have the right person driving...and it ain't me:)

Happy 2010 friends:)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

It has been awhile:) Life got a little busy with school, work, kids, life, AND the Christmas season but I think I am back for awhile. I decided that I would make some resolutions for the new year...or as I prefer to say...make goals for 2010. So...here goes...

1) I think all women have the same resolution at the top of their list...lose weight. Mine is no different. I MUST LOSE 10 pounds. Must. I have to wear a white dress in April...enough said. I will do this by practicing weight watchers and excercising 4 times a week...I will walk, ride a bike, and do some crunches. I will not run.

2) I will not touch the child support we receive for the next 5 months...this will pay for our vacation AND put money in savings. I won't touch it, I won't touch it, I won't touch it!!!!!! This means....I am officially poor:)

3) I will read my Bible everyday...even if it is just a verse. (I will make sure my kids at least look at the pictures in theirs. Shayden actually has a new rhyming Bible...the rhymes are sometimes a stretch but she actually asks to read it...so...I recommend it!!!) I will focus more on God being present in the little things...I always ask for his help when the problem seems large but I will try to turn to Him for the smaller things I think I can handle...which I usually can't:). I will continue to put him first in my life and in my soon to be marriage...

4) I will quit apoligizing for the following things: being a women that is emotional, irrational, and at times hormonal...that is how God created women; for wanting to be a mom first and not being completely excited about working...again how God created us; for living at home...it works for us for now and allows us to prepare for the future God has for us...I will NOT apoligize for waiting for God to unveil his plans; having an opinion that is different; for not being a neat freak; or for talking about my personal bff, JC:). If any of this offends you, we should probably not be friends...but I still love you:)

I want to start this decade out right...the last one was good, bad, and ugly...and I suspect this next will be no different. I just want how I handle it all to be different. I get to start 2010 off as a thirty year old...how cool is that?? New friends, new husband...job opportunities, I can't wait. GOD IS SO STINKING AMAZING. Happy New Year friends....

BFF'S

See all these beautiful ladies? I am thankful for every one of them. They are my best friends...and believe me...I have found out who my friends are:). Each one of them brings something amazing to my life and I am blessed to have them. I know if I needed something, I could call, and they would do everything in their power to help me. I LOVE YOU SHAWNEE, JEN JEN, JODI, ELIZABETH, KATIE, & ROBIN!!

Behind as usual:)

Okay...I said I would post everyday and...well...I didn't:). Time to catch up...SO...

Thursday - I am thankful for my ex-husband who is currently my fiance. He has become the man I needed him to be and God has done amazing things through him...and will continue to no doubt. I have been in love with Brad since I was 16 years old...nothing has ever changed that. He has become an amazing father and husband and I am VERY thankful to have him in my life.

Friday - I am thankful for the people who made me who I am today. Some people might NOT be thankful for who I am today...lol...BUT:). My parents are AMAZING. They have loved me unconditionally...and believe me, that has not always been easy. They have supported me financially, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually. They have prayed for me, they have encouraged me, they have cried for and with me. They taught me how to LOVE and appreciate people. Beyond being amazing parents...they are amazing people...living examples of Christ's love. I am supremely blessed to be able to call them Mom & Dad:).

And YES...I am spoiled:)

I am thankful for:

This month I will (try:) to post something I am thankful for everyday. I am beyond thankful for the relationship I have found with Christ. Divorce sucks but it has made for an amazing journey with my Saviour. I have discovered what it is to be married to Christ....to trust Him completely. AWESOME:).

So everyday I will try to post something I am thankful for.

Today I will dedicate to my beautiful kids. I sometimes forget how precious they are. I forget that some moms never get the opportunity to hold their children and some have had to face loss that I hope I never comprehend. My children were at times the only thing that motivated me to get out of bed...they are the most precious gift God has ever given me.

fear

Fear makes us act out. It makes us do things we normally wouldn't. Some people let it control their actions...I know...I used to. I am sure in many ways, I still do. What is a person to do with completely irrational fear?

........................pray............................

I am sitting here in the dark...not afraid....but worried, upset, and TIRED of dealing with my son's irrational fear and God just whispered in my ear. The solution is simple....pray.

well...DUH...:)

"Be still and know that I am God," Psalm 46:10

Live and let live...

"LIVE AND LET LIVE," was posted on a friends facebook status. Just one out of a hundred but it stood out. Why did they feel the need to post that? What part of their life was being completely judged?

It is no fun to have the world pick apart your every decision. And when you live at home, engaged to the man who you divorced, with no job (And yes it does make you feel like a failure...thanks:)...you feel like you live under a microscope of vultures. What is she thinking...he is no good? Why don't they move out...what a disgrace? How can she turn down a job...she just expects her parents to keep helping her? She is so spoiled...that is codependency, how unhealthy...what have I NOT heard??

I have to admit...part of me wants to stand up and defend and another part of me wants to lay down and feel defeated...and yes world...that is what our judgements do to people...make them feel DEFEATED. Is that what we want when we judge people? To shame them into doing what WE think is best?

God asked Noah to build an Ark...when it wasn't raining. God has asked my cousin Jennifer to go to Kenya at Christmas...she doesn't have a job. God asked me to give Brad a second chance...we are divorced and it wasn't really all that great the first time. God asks my friend Robin to stop and pray for strangers. God asks ordinary people to do extraordinary things EVERYDAY...things that don't make sense to anyone...often they don't even make sense to those he asks. BUT THEY DO IT...and we, the rest of the world, look on clucking our toungues and condemning their craziness. I have been guilty...I don't understand why people do what they do...but it isn't my place to question. I, myself, have turned down much needed jobs...and people think I have lost my mind...but I trust my creator. I, myself don't understand what is happening and get discouraged...but I TRUST my CREATOR.

Live and let live, friends. I am guilty of all these things but we never know what God is leading others to do.

I hope my friend that posted this comment reads this and knows that I feel her pain. Just do what God is leading you to do and don't worry about the rest of the world:)

I struggle

Discernment is a term used in Christian tradition to describe the process of discerning God's will for one's life.

It is a one sentence definition. It's not a hard to understand what IT is....it's just hard to understand what to DO with it. We hear this word all the time...but how DO we discern what it is God's will for our lives?

What if things change? Circumstances change all the time...it gets complicated. And when things get complicated...people stress out and stop trying.

It is a struggle...it is MY struggle. I want to be able to discern what is of God and what is not. I want to be in God's perfect will but I have spent more time lately trying to understand God's will instead of just talking and listening to him.

God wants us to seek him...always. But with a child like spirit...don't question, don't get confused...just seek and you will find. It's simple. It's NOT complicated.

So...starting this minute...no more struggle. No more complicated. I will seek the will of God and I will listen to the one voice that matters. HIS.

School starts TOMORROW

...and I am sad. My son is 6 years old...yes, some of you that are reading this are getting old:). He is starting the first grade tomorrow...and though I am excited that he is getting older and growing up...a part of me is really sad that we are going back to school. I will miss being with him all day. Sure he has driven me crazy...but the times that he came and snuggled with me or the games of Operation or the "homework" we did most days...I will miss that. I will miss my baby girl as she goes to daycare. I MISS BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM! There I said it.

Why does that cause me guilt?? I feel selfish for wanting to be with my kids...how stupid is that??

Anyways...I am not excited for school to start. Bishop will do great...I feel really good about the dual language program he is going to be in. I really hope we can continue it until he is 6...but that is all in God's hands and not for me to worry about. It isn't a GT program but it is a "higher level thinking" option which is what he needs.

I do think I have decided to student teach first semester and unless God convicts me to sub or I find a job...I will be staying home second semester. I will take on more hours at McD's and get some more programs started for them...but I will get to spend more time with her. I WANT this last year...just her and I. I had Bishop for three years by himself...she deserves a semester.

I am okay with where we are. Living with my parents is...what it is. There are pros and cons but right now it works for us. My parents are in limbo for a couple of years as well so it just works. It isn't ideal...I miss painted walls:) but I also enjoy sneaking out for dinner with Brad after the kids are asleep. I am okay that I am not teaching...I feel like this is exactly where God wants us to be for now.

I will be praying for all the children going back to school tomorrow...God is severely missed in public schools.

Brodie's Bday Party

We are NOT too old to skate...:)
It was MUCH more of a work out trying to keep these two on their feet!

I loved her little, tiny skates:)

Bishop...still needs some work:)

Shawnee pushed Shay and Chase around...I think she just wanted to cheat...LOL. Is that not the greatest invention ever?!

Shayden is showing us how it's done :)

Brad is...well...you decide:)

Bishop is better on TWO wheels:)

Who'd have thunk it?

You see this man. Yes...you see him...but do you know him?? He is my ex-husband...my high school sweetheart, my current fiance, and well...he's just Brad. Are you confused? So are most people...don't worry...most everyone else is too:).

It has been a wild ride...but it all had to happen to get us HERE.

My first husband was an ass...yes, my first husband was Brad...and he was a real jerk. But divorce and the grace of Christ have made him a really amazing man, husband, and father. If you knew him before...I promise you don't know him now. Or me, for that matter.

I just wanted him to know how much I appreciate his support...to stay home, to teach...to move, to stay...he rocks.

There is power in prayer, my friends...MAJOR power...JESUS power:).

Word of God Speak...

Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm...

Things that make you second guess where your headed and what you are doing.

I want to be a teacher...I think I will be a really good home ec teacher. I have lesson plans in my head..I have innovative ideas for my projects. I believe that I can help students succeed. That said...

I decided to go back to school to pursue education because I was backed into a corner. I was a stay at home mom facing divorce....facing a lot of obstacles, actually. I needed a job...quickly...and because being a mom was more important...I needed a job that would allow me to still be a mom as much as possible. I turned down a full time job because I would have worked 12 hour days. Money would have been fab...but the cost of never seeing my kids was too high. I decided that I would pursue what I had always wanted to do...teach. I was living at home so I could afford to go to school. I have completed all the coursework, I have passed all the tests...I even subbed for a year to have some sort of classroom experience. All I like to be certified is a full time "internship." Here lies the problem...

I don't know what to do. I am praying...I am exploring different options in my head. God has been speaking to me today...in a way that I wasn't really expecting. I went up to the school I work for today and I said hello to everyone...told them I would be subbing, helped my mom with bulletin boards. I gave Shayden's daycare some money for registration. Life was going as I expected it to. And then Shay and I got in the car to come home...and a well know Christian song came on the radio. I can't even think of the title but I closed my eyes and cried (we were home by then...no worries:). I envisioned Jesus taking my hand and moving me back to the passenger seat...and he took the wheel back from me. I knew I had been trying to "drive" and I needed to relenquish the wheel...it was a relief to let him have it back. We went inside and I didn't give it much more thought.

Fast forward to 11:00. I go in to check on my kids one last time before I pass out and "Cry out to Jesus" is playing on the radio. More tears as I kiss Shayden on the cheek...why??? Why am I such a crybaby today...what is wrong with me. What is this anxiety??? I trust God has a plan...it is all good...why am I so unnerved? I crawled back into bed and Brad asks if I am going to sleep. No. Do I want to watch tv? No. Why are you being weird? I don't know. And then...out of nowhere...I start telling him things that are bothering me that I haven't even voiced to myself.

I'm not comfortable with Bishop's new school or program. I'm not ready to take Shayden back to daycare. I'm not sure subbing is the right answer this year...maybe I should work at McDonald's full time. Maybe we should move. How did we ever survive when we were married? Talk about a RUSH of emotion...from nowhere. I can't explain today...I can't explain what I am feeling. All I know is that the jobs I have been offered and turned down have really put a lot of things back into perspective. I am a Mom FIRST. My job will always be a distant second...is that what God has been trying to remind me? I want to teach...but not at the cost of my precious time with my children...it is flying by and I can't get it back. I have said out loud many times that maybe God's plan is for me NOT to teach this year so I can have more time for my kids. I DON'T KNOW.

The flip side is...if I were offered the local job...I would take it.

I DON'T KNOW.

All I can do is to continue to pray...a lot of options are swirling through my head right now and I am just praying God show me which one is HIS glorious plan. Please pray for me...even if you disagree with the choices I have made or anything I have mentioned...pray that God will reveal exactly what HE wants.

Lord, All I can say is...drive. I am giving you the wheel and I will try not to be a backseat driver. Show me the way. Amen.

Be (In)Couraged

Through blog stalking and web surfing, I discovered this new website for women...
http://www.incourage.me/

I love any website that is encouraging for women. Women can be a difficult bunch and we have all been on at least one side of the "Mommy Wars." This websight is designed to be a place for encouragement and a place to feel uplifted instead of competitive and disheartened. We, as women, need to lift each other up...pray for one another...LOVE one another.

In keeping with this website, I am supposed to blog about what encourages me. Something to think about it you haven't...it took some thought. I am encouraged by daily devotionals...stories about Jesus working in amazing and miraculous ways. Stories that remind me that life is more than just a coincidence...God is always present and always working. I am encouraged by my friends and family...their love and support is sometimes all that sustains my sanity. I am encouraged when I succeed...when I lose two pounds, I am encouraged to lose 2 more:). I am encouraged by my kids...when they become proud of accomplishments...they encourage ME to do and be better! Mostly I am encouraged by prayer. My one on one relationship with JC is what encourages me the most. I realize I disappoint people, I realize I disappoint myself...but when things get out of control and I feel like I can't go any further...I am encouraged by his words and his presence. HE ROCKS:).

Check it out...and have a blessed and FABULOUS day:)

OK LA HOMA :)