Reflections...

First, let me tell you where I got this...
http://www.incourage.me/2010/12/20-questions-for-a-new-years-eve-reflection-2.html://

Now...let me begin:

1) What was the single best thing that happened to you this year?
Remarrying my best friend...hands down. God and God alone is responsible for the restoration of my marriage and being a part of such an amazing journey with Christ has been BEYOND anything I could have imagined for Brad and I.

2)What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
Stepping out of my financial, emotional, spiritual, and any other kind of comfort zone and making the decision to homeschool...and then sticking to it when the rest of the world said we were crazy.

3)What was an unexpected joy this year?
Ironically...homeschooling. When we made the decision I viewed it as a job...as something we HAD to do in the best interest of our kids. It has turned out to be something that not only brings me joy to do but brings joy in the form of less chaos for us as a family.

4)What was an unexpected obstacle?
It wasn't really all that unexpected...but continuing to live at home has been an obstacle. I miss having my own space!! The negativitiy and opinons of even the most well meaning friends and family over some of our decisions (ie...living with my parents, homeschooling) was a HUGE obstacle for me personally until I gave it all to God.

5)Pick three words to describe 2010.
Challenging, faith-invoking, BLESSED

6)Pick three words your spouse would use to describe YOUR 2010 (don't ask....just guess.)
Well...Brad would just pick three without thinking...so: scary, amazing, fantastic

7)Pick three words your spouse would use to describe THEIR 2010 (again...don't ask)
Eventful, blessed, amazing....he is not into these kinds of thought provoking questions:). That makes him sound thoughtless...which he's not...he just doesn't like to be put on the spot...so these are what I think he would spout off:)

8)What were the best books you read this year?
You mean besides the Bible?!? :) (I kid...I know that is everyones first response and I BELIEVE that I need to read and understand the Bible...but isn't always a page turner.) Rite of Passage Parenting by Walker Moore has been very eye opening. I also read John Grisham's The Innocent Man...his first and last non-fiction. Another eye opening read.

9)With whom were your most valuable relationships?
JESUS....and not in the "this is how you are supposed to answer" way. Like...true blue...He is my source of true strength and peace for everyday life kind of way. A close second would be my wonderful husband who truly is my best friend. My kids...my parents. I have a grand total of 5 girlfriends who keep me sane....in ABC order...Elizabeth, Jennifer, Jodi, Lashanwn, and Robin...thank you for all that you bring to my crazy life:). And I must add that it has been a joy getting to know my SIL over the past few months...love you Kim!!

10)What was your biggest personal change from January to December this year?
Letting go of other's input. Our decisions are OUR decisions. We pray about things...we trust God...we do what HE says. I am sure we will make many more decisions that seem crazy and may even be wrong because we just missed something. BUT...I have learned to stop worrying about what others think...even close friends and family....although they are and will always be harder to tune out:).

11)In what ways did you grow emotionally?
See #10:). That was HUGE emotional growth for me. It is still a process. My new mantra for 2011 is "creating our OWN kind of normal." We are crazy Jesus Freaks and will continue to make people think we are crazy...but it's okay...I have accepted it and have stopped agonizing over it. HUGE:)

12)In what ways did you grow spiritually?
I have learned to trust more. Deciding to homeschool was a HUGE step in faith for me. I have always worked at least part time and homeschooling meant I would give up working at all. Once we finally decided to make that leap...I cried it out with Jesus...how can we manage financially? And He answered very clearly...trust me...I have a plan for marriage and parenting...and it works...just trust me. We did...I did...and things have been fine.

13)In what ways did you grow physically?
OUT:). LOL...I kid...sort of. Needless to say...I will start 2011 with weight loss goals.

14) In what ways did you grow in your relationship with others?
This year I decided to reach out to people even if I felt stupid doing so. I tried to be friendlier to cashiers...I tried to start up a conversation at Bible Study...I offered to help even when people looked at me like I was eating bugs. It has helped...I have made many new friends through our church family!!!

15) What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home.)
BEING HOME!!! Getting to watch my kids learn and grow. Knowing Shay knows half of the alphabet because I taught her. Watching Bishop slowly remember to start sentences with a capital letter and end them with a period. Doing laundry while they do their computer work...I LOVE my job!!!

16)What was the most challenging part of your work?
Balancing activities, shopping, schooling...the normal things women face:) It doesn't matter if you work, don't work, or homeschool...finding a balance is always the hardest part.

17)What was your single biggest time waster in your life this year?
OUCH. I don't like this question:). I know a lot of people would say Facebook but I don't see it as a time waster...I enjoy it and don't see it as wasted time staying in touch with people....so...probably just general surfing on the net. I can sit down to check email and sit at the computer for 2 hours and not realize it.

18)What was the best way you used your time this year?
Volunteering at our church. I don't even do that much...but it felt good to be there and being a part of a team. Homeschooling will always be time well spent. My kids were a gift and anything I do for them will always be a good use of time.

19)What was the biggest thing you learned this past year?
It is okay to step out in faith. It is okay to do something crazy when God calls you to do it. He will ALWAYS have our backs...and HIS plan is much better than our own. And even the most spiritual of people may tell you that you are wrong and have lost your mind...God knows best. Always.

20)Create a phrase or statement that describes 2010 for you.
Life's a journey...not a destination. Live well, laugh often, love much.

WEDNESDAY WANT

I said I was going to start making a list of things I want to help out my husband...which is probably a stretch considering he probably doesn't know how to find this blog anymore. But...I'm going to anyways...because it's fun and I can:).

There was a time in college when a girlfriend and I were really poor. And by poor I mean we spent all of our money going out the night before. But WHATEVER the reason...we were really poor so we called my roommate, otherwise known as the fabulous Jo-di, and asked to borrow her Sam's card. Sam's ALWAYS has good snacks at lunchtime:). She said yes, although she DID voice her concerns about our sanity. We got in just fine...I mean...I could borrow Brad's card and get in...they don't REALLY check. We grabbed our cart and decided to go "fantasy" shopping. In hindsight, I realize that what we did really upset the stocker who had to put it all back but we were 19 and stupid...and still...hyper. And hungry. So we grabbed a huge stuffed bear, plopped him down in the child seat and set out shopping. And snacking.

SO...this is my version of "fantasy" shopping without upsetting store clerks, stealing Sam's cards, and unfortunatly without the snacks. Will someone have a Scentsy party soon? I want snacks...

Here I go:

I want this necklace...which is already sold. But I want one anyways.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/55135175/family-tree-sterling-silver-hand-stamped?ref=sr_gallery_12&ga_search_query=family+tree&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=7&order=&includes%5B0%5D=tags&includes%5B1%5D=title

More next week...on Wednesday wants with Shana:)

CONVICTED

I have been playing defense for awhile. I'm over it.



I had a blog about "why we homeschool" ready to post. It sounded very defensive...I had research and links to back up every singe reason I offered. But I'm not going to post it because quite frankly I have decided I don't care who thinks what we are doing is weird, stupid, or just plain overboard. From now on when people ask why I homeschool I will answer with this...



"Peter and the other apostles replied: 'We must obey God rather than men!'" Acts 5:29



That is what WE are doing. We must obey God even if it makes most men uncomfortable. I could list out the many reasons we decided to homeschool and they are great reasons. BUT...it came down to THIS reason. God placed it out our hearts to make a change...and this is the change that He convicted me to make. And when I finally jumped on board...I felt the amazing peace that comes with obeying God. It meant I had a LOT of work to do...but I had the peace of knowing that it would all get done.



I am not posting the list because I don't want it to seem like an attack on those who don't make the same choices we make. We all do what we think is best. We may be on different sides of the playing field but instead of trying to prove which team is better...let's just agree we all want the same thing...well adjusted, educated children...and play together.

Summary post....

1) REALLY rough day that ended with child #1 throwing a fit for over an hour over PILLOWS.

2) Frustrated with smugness...hate it when people close to me hurt my feelers.

3) Bedroom furniture disaster today...stain doesn't match. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

4) The turtle Brad found and donated to Shyanne's turtle race won 1st place today...GO CARL:)

5) 9/11 is an emotional day...maybe that is part of my blahness. My heart aches for this country...

6) I shaved my legs...this is a BIG deal:)

7) I am seriously craving sushi. And a girls day...*ahem* Lashawn. (No they don't have to go together...lol)

8) Homeschooling rocks...like seriously. I love it. So glad I decided to listen to JC....amazing how he ALWAYS knows best:)

9) I am going to start a Wednesday want post on here...because there is so much I want and my husband needs ideas:). HA...like he checks this thing!

10) I am blessed and filled with JOY. Even on a bad day...when the external circumstances are icky...I am filled with Joy. God is good ALL the time.

11) I <3 whoever actually read this lame post...have a fabulous Sunday!

So...I'm slow.

Yesterday I had kind of a crisis. Not an OH MY GOSH, we will NEVER survive, STOP THE VOICES kind of crisis. Just a minor, yet pivotal, little crisis in my own little world. You know...the world where I imagine I am a little pink sheep:).

I sat down and thought...I am happy. Truly happy. I love the man I remarried...I cannot even begin to express what an amazing husband he is. I love my kids...I love both of their little personalities and just am so thankful to be home with them. Homeschooling (and this is something I NEVER thought I'd say) is SO fun and I love it!!! Brad has a steady paying job...we don't have it all by any means...but we have each other and that makes me heart SOAR. And then it hit me...

I HAVE ALL MY EGGS IN ONE BASKET.

Here's where the s-l-o-w part comes in. I believed (you can laugh...it's okay) that my eggs are in BRAD'S basket. And I paniced. Because...what if Brad lost his job? What if I had to go to work? How would we homeschool? What would we do? Would we have to...I could go on FOREVER. I mean...Brad and I have been divorced before...come on. The doubt can seep in now and then even with the greatest man on earth. That's when it hit me like a mack truck.

My eggs are in HIS basket.

Not Brad's. Jesus's basket. And as long as they are in His basket...it will all be okay. So I settled down. I had a laugh with Brad in bed last night...talking about eggs and baskets. And I only made him promise to never leave me twice. You can laugh there too...we do:)

HAPPY FRIDAY:)

Are you unique?

I chose this particular sheep because my favorite color is pink. It could just have easily have been yellow, orange, green, or black...whatever you fancy:).

But this picture portrays what we all want...we want to stand out in the crowd. No one wants to be a sheep that just follows the crowd. Our society embraces uniqueness. We all want to be special.

So...tell me why in a world where everyone wants to be special and to stand apart from the rest...why do we condemn this sheep?

I am a sheep...I have the greatest shepherd in the world. I kind of like the second image...I mean, my Bible is hot pink after all:).

BE UNIQUE:)

And be unashamed...don't let the world tell you that this sheep isn't special...

I am building cathedrals...

On the days when it feels like what I do doesn't matter...

On the days it feels like no one but Lashawn hears me...:)

On the days that I feel inadequate...that I can't possibly be teaching my kids what they need to know.

I have to remember...

I am building cathedrals.

If you want to know what I am talking about go to www.youtube.com and search for "The Invisable Woman."

Humanity

It sometimes discourages me.

Am I Crazy?!

Perhaps.

Lol.

Brad and I have decided to homeschool. For those of you who have been following along for awhile...yes, that means...high school sweethearts, married, kids, divorced, remarried, homeschool family.

We are not exactly what you would call the social "norm." But what fun would that be anyways?

So...we have decided to homeschool. I think God has been leading me in this direction for some time now but fear and a worldy way of thinking got in the way. I feared what others would think...I got caught up in thinking that we have done it this way for years so it MUST be okay...why should I change it? But...I was not happy with my son's school curriculum. I am not happy that God is cast out of the public school house and I am not happy with the unhealthy environment that kids are thrown into everyday. I have nothing but love for public school teachers because they are the ONLY thing holding such a broken system together.

I'm going to do my own Q & A because I know the questions that you are thinking...Brad asked them all:). Yes they will be socialized...we will go to church on Wednesday evenings. Shay is in gymanstics and Bishop will play basketball in the fall. We are looking into a Coop to join. They will get PLENTY of socialization. Yes I have a curriculum. All subjects are covered and then some:). Yes I am crazy. I panic daily with thoughts of "Can I really do this?" But the answer is yes I can. Heck...even the state of Texas says I can;).

I realize this is hard for some people to wrap their minds around. Public education has been around for a LONG time and it appears to the outside world to be working just fine. I am not out to convert the masses...I just feel like this is the best choice for our family. I've been reading about how we try to teach our children about Christ and how He should be the center focus of our lives...and then we send them to public schools 7 hours a day where his name is a bad word. Add on that my brillant 1st grader had convinced himself that he could not do math and I felt convicted to do SOMETHING. And for now...that is home school.

I have NO idea how this will go. I trust that since God laid this on my heart that he will lead the way and it will be fine. If it turns out to be a bad fit for us then we will make necessary changes.

So...am I crazy? Yes...I am. I am crazy about Jesus. I am crazy about my kids. And I am just crazy enough to try this crazy homeschool thing:).

A line in the sand...

I usually walk the fine line. I do a pretty good job of balancing, actually. I mean...occassionally I teeter onto the other side. You know the other side...the one where the doubts swirl and the devil dances. The side where I begin to doubt and borrow worries...even panic a little. But like I said...I usually balance okay.

Today...I dove into the other side. Head first...with thoughts of, "We can't make it work." And, "It's not possible...I can't do it." Not a good idea.

I cried. I stressed. I spent the day moping and fretting over things that do NOT have to be decided today....or tomorrow...or even 6 months from now. For what?

Brad and I do have some big decisions to make. Where to live? Try something new? Me to work or dive in to homeschooling? BIG decisions. And I was waist deep in the muck that can drown you fast.

The Bible was on my bed. Did I mention I love my Bible? It's hot pink and Brad bought it for me when God started working on us. And there it sat...all because Bishop mistakingly moved it. I was desperate for answers...for relief from the grief that was overcoming me...so I opened it. And guess which random page it opened to...all underlined and starred:

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

HA! Yes I know Lord..I was definitely leaning on my own understanding and it made NO sense. I kept reading...

"You're blessed when you meet Lady Wisdom, when you make friends with Madam Insight. She's worth far more than money in the bank; her friendship is better than a big salary. Her value exceeds all the trappings of wealth; nothing you could wish for holds a candle to her." Proverbs 3:13-18

SO...

I'm back on the line. And balancing much better. :)

A letter I will probably never send...

Dear ____________,



I am writing this letter because I care. I am not judging. I am not trying to hurt you. I am writing because I want everyone in this situation to heal.



All he wants is to know that you care. All he needs is to know that you love him, that you always have. He needs to know that you are proud of the man he has become. He needs to know that even though he didn't come into this world planned for or even wanted...that you are glad he came into your life. I know this may seem odd to you. In your mind he DOES know that. But he needs to hear it...because he doubts.



He knows he has disappointed you. He knows that he isn't perfect. But he deserves to know that you love him despite anything he could ever do.



I do not believe that you have ever or would ever intentionally hurt him. There was a time when I thought that might be true...but over the years I have realized that you don't see it. You don't see the pain in his heart. You don't see how your choices...your words effect him...how they always have. He chose to put up walls instead of respond. I would love to see you tear them down.



Here is where you may get defensive. And let me preface...I am not saying these things to attack or make you feel bad. I truly want healing and forgiveness to take place...I want things to get better. You have been really inconsiderate of his feelings for about the last 8 years. You don't consider how your harsh words after too many drinks haunt him. He pretends not to care...but how could he not? He yearns to have you call, to be excited to see he is calling you. You have floated in and out of our lives like snow...for a few months you call, you send cards. And then it all stops. It's heartbreaking.



I want him to heal. I want him to wake up and KNOW that you care. I want that for him SO badly. I think if you look deep within you...past all of your hurts and anger...you do too. I honestly want you to know WE care, that we love you. I truly want YOU to heal.



There is a cure for your pain...for your bitterness. His name is Jesus. He is my friend. I know you know him. Let him set you free.



love,

Shana

Greener Pastures

Imagine your a cow.

YES...I realize you are NOT a cow. Work with me...I'm creating an analogy.

So...we are pretending to be cows. I, myself, am going to be a Holstein. I think they are the cutest of cows and they are featured on Happy Cow commercials and I want to be a happy cow. The commercials claim that happy cows come from California which I think is bogus because I think Texas cows are VERY happy...but that's not the point.

We are cows. We wander around a field all day. We are average happy cows. We have had a few calves and we are settled into our farm routine and things have been rocking along for about 6 or 7 years. Long enough for the farmer to take our happy existance for granted...he long ago quit trying to make us happy. Long enough for us cows to forget how hard the farmer works to provide us food, shelter, and nice pasture.

Then one day...we notice something we hadn't noticed before. A fence.

A beautiful fence. And though we are drawn to the fence...it is the unknown on the other side of the fence that keeps us moving toward it. We have loved the farm and the farmer...but it's gotten boring and we feel unappreciated for all the work we do. The exciting possibilities on the other side of the fence seem so exciting. We should just peek.

And there it is.

It's more beautiful than anything you have ever seen. Much better than the farm you currently live at. And the farmer...well...let's just say he loves to make you happy. It's perfect. No more farmer taking you for granted...no more mundane existance on a seriously stale farm. Life on the other side of that fence has the potential to make us happier than we have ever been. Who cares if the other cows get upset...who cares if our farmer who has provided for us for the past 7 years gets angry...it's not our fault. The calves...they will get over it in time. They will LOVE the new barn AND the new farmer.

Who are we kidding ladies? Please excuse the fact that I just compared us to cows belonging to farmers. It was the best I could come up with. But this is the reality than many women face daily...greener pastures. And I am here to tell you...what we see on the other side of the fence is a facade...it's NOT real. It looks greener because we convince ourselves it is. The reality is that it's green for only a few feet...and then it turns desolate and dirty.

And when we realize the mistake...it's often too late. We turn to look back at the fence and long for the existance we had. Suddenly we're thrust into a world of insecurity...one where we must work doubletime to make ends meet...and in the land of single mother hood. Don't get me wrong...I am not dissing single moms. I've been one and though it is very fulfilling...it can be completely overwhelming.

I don't know what inspired me at 6 AM to write this blog...I am assuming someone needs to see it and I hope that I can convince you that peeking over the fence is a really bad idea. It seems exciting but a LOT of people are going to get hurt....your children included. I would love to pray for you, whoever you are...I've been in your shoes.

Happy Thursday friends...

Oh how HE loves us...

Sometimes I have to pinch myself.

Sometimes this life feels too good to be true. Sometimes...it all just seems to be too well written. My life plays out like a story...with twists and turns that can be downright frightening and often times overwhelming. But soon enough the storm will quiet...things slow down...and in the hazy aftermath...you begin to understand. You can look back with eyes that can suddenly see better and realize that even in the midst of the storm....it was all orchestrated perfectly.

Never a coincidence...never an accident....it's always God.

HE IS ALWAYS THERE.

I don't have all the answers...I can't tell you why parents abandon their children. Or why a young mother loses her life. I just know that in the midst of every trial...He is ALWAYS there.

I have already been blessed enough to witness the amazing transforming power of Christ in my own marriage and it was beyond amazing. But I lived it...so I saw it through a microscope. It all happened in such a way that I didn't get to me mesmerized with the sheer glory and might of my Lord and Saviour.

But today...today I got to stand back and witness this same amazing grace through a wider lens. I got to catch a glimpse of God's plan and purpose for my dear friends life come to fruition. God had shown her a part of the plan many months ago and she shared it with me. And today...he revealed the rest of the plan.

It made my heart LEAP...literally leap with joy.

I sat on the phone and cried...because I am immensely happy for her...and because it was just so AMAZING to be a witness to God's amazing power. AMAZING power.

I give praise and glory to God....I cannot even put into words how wonderful God's love for us is.

Have a blessed and wonderful day, friends....SEEK and you SHALL find:)

One door closes...

...and another door OPENS!!!

Okay...sometimes we have to squeeze through windows...but you get the idea. God does not close one door without showing you a new door. One of my favorite sayings .

(*ahem* Lashawn. We DO need to have some door prints printed...but I digress...)

The door to my 5 year stint at McDonald's didn't just close...it slammed shut. That is another blog in itself but regardless of how it ended, I was a little sad. I loved that job...I loved the kids, the people I met...it truly was a job I enjoyed...and that I was good at. I was just a little broken hearted and at a loss as to what to do next. I still sub and I stay home for the most part...but I like having a LITTLE money that is mine...ya know?

God is good:)

I had heard of Scentsy for awhile but had just been ignoring it's existance:). I thought it was just another party or candle of the month. I just wasn't interested in ANYTHING with the word home and party. It wasn't until I was subbing for a teacher at my mom's school that I discovered what it was...and I was hooked:). I turned on that woman's Scentsy warmer and fell in love. No more stinky 7th graders:).

Anyways...I just wanted to share my new venture with anyone who happens to still read this blog..lol. Go check out my website or call me if you want to smell some of the scents. It really does sell itself. Not only does it smell FANTASTIC...it is safe around kids, pets, and/or clumsy husbands:).

If you ARE interested in having a party...let me know. I am REALLY excited to have my first one!!! I am SURE there would be an extra treat for my very first hostess!!! *insert cheesy smile and doe eyes here*

Okay...I'm done...no more sales pitch:)

Brad & Shana...the Sequel

Why?

I get asked that a lot. Why? Why are you guys getting remarried? Why have a wedding? Why do we feel the need to try again?

As the date draws closer...I have asked myself why we are making a big fuss over our second wedding. We had one...it was beautiful...and we got divorced. And then...it was made plain to me AGAIN why we are doing what we are doing.

TO GIVE GLORY TO GOD.

Our first attempt at marriage was a lesson in how NOT to be married. I believe that we loved each other...we just didn't know how to effectively communicate. And the fact that we were both stubborn and selfish in our own ways MIGHT have contributed a little...or a lot:). If you want to know exactly how to do it WRONG...shoot me an email:).

Why? Why did you get divorced in the first place? Maybe you slit up too fast? Do you regret it? What an expensive learning process?

Yep. It was an expensive learning process...we can't argue that one:). Do I regret it? NO. Never. Sounds crazy to most people but we had to hit rock bottom as a couple to truly become who God wanted us to be.

Our preacher did a sermon on marriage after we split up and we both happened to be there on that day. I say, happened...Brad called and asked to go to church with me. How do you say no to that?? I did not want to take that up with God so I said yes. My preacher looked directly at me and said, "God can save your marriage." I seriously thought I was going to melt into my seat...what?!? We are divorced, Pastor Rick, didn't you get the memo?? Hello, God...you were there when I signed the papers. It is OVER. Done. The fat lady has sung and left. Our preacher went on to say that there is one thing God hates more than divorce...and that is couples that stay together for the sake of staying together. Which is what Brad and I had become....which is what a LOT of couples have become. I imagine I was not the only one squirming in my seat that day...

So...why are we getting married again?

TO GIVE GLORY TO GOD.

We want to stand before our friends and family...our children...and show them what God can do in THEIR lives...if they just let him. He can move mountains...believe me...if you knew how stale our marriage had become...you would know just how insurmountable this seemed.

No marriage is perfect and this one will be no different. We will face more trials and tribulation....I just think we have the right tools to deal with them now.

If I could give one piece of unsolicted marriage advice...I would take the wise words of a dear friend of mine. Bend your knees now...so God doesn't have to break them. Ours were broken...severed. But they are healed by the one who took our place...:).

Blessings friends...we can't wait to see everyone on Saturday!!

Decade in review...

2000 - I survived Y2K...which technically isn't saying much but the media DID try to scare us. Due to our impending mortality, my bff at the time and I dressed as new years princesses...kind of hot:) I'd post pics if I wasn't scared of my storage unit.

2001 - Big year for me...graduated from college with a fabulous degree that has earned me exactly NADA:) Also got hitched...can you hear the wedding bells singing softly??

2002 - BIGGER year...had first child in October. Changed my life...I cannot even express how it changed my life. I remember looking at him in the hospital...drugged, scared...and alone...and thinking...nothing else in THIS world matters....and I knew that God was very real.

2003 - Bought our first house...I became queen of the doublewide:) YES...I've heard the redneck jokes:). Let me give you another laugh...we had goats...as pets...they had names. Tinkerbell, Buzz and Lady...and Lady was retarded...and had seizures...shut up.

2004 - I can't think of anything too eventful...Brad went back to school...Bishop turned 2...

2005 - Got pregnant with baby #2...later to be named Shayden. We were praying about whether we wanted another child and it happened...so regardless of how some see it...she WAS and IS an answer to prayer.

2006 - Shayden came into the world kicking and screaming as any good diva does. Lost my grandmother...someone who loved me unconditionally and whole heartedly. Shayden had colic for 6 months...marriage began to slowly become...stale.

2007 - NEW HOME...brick, 2 car garage, 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath, 3 living areas...the American Dream...ended the year on a bad note. Husband left on New Year's Eve...not a good way to bring in the new year. Did I mention we were supposed to have a party? I can literally hear the party horns fizzling...

2008 - Where to begin? Discovered the world again...remembered who SHANA was. Discovered I was stronger than I ever imagined. Discovered that I can do ANYTHING through CHRIST. Went to work full time for the first time in my life...struggled, battled, prayed, got ditched by lots of people...climbed my way back up...whew. Ended the year struggling with whether or not to give ex husband a chance...

2009 - Lubbock journey changed my life:). Started dating ex husband and allowed God to work in both of us. Sat down at church one evening and preacher looked directly at me and said, "God can save your marriage." Cried hysterically...listened, trusted...God is good, and faithful...and well...just all around awesome. Brad & I will get remarried in April...


I truly just discovered that the children born in 1979 get to begin each decade at a milestone year...in 2000 we all turned 20...this year, we all turn 30. How very cool. I am 30! Did you hear that world? THIRTY. I get to start the new decade as a REAL adult...are you laughing?

Seriously...I know it will be another crazy ride...I also know I have the right person driving...and it ain't me:)

Happy 2010 friends:)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

It has been awhile:) Life got a little busy with school, work, kids, life, AND the Christmas season but I think I am back for awhile. I decided that I would make some resolutions for the new year...or as I prefer to say...make goals for 2010. So...here goes...

1) I think all women have the same resolution at the top of their list...lose weight. Mine is no different. I MUST LOSE 10 pounds. Must. I have to wear a white dress in April...enough said. I will do this by practicing weight watchers and excercising 4 times a week...I will walk, ride a bike, and do some crunches. I will not run.

2) I will not touch the child support we receive for the next 5 months...this will pay for our vacation AND put money in savings. I won't touch it, I won't touch it, I won't touch it!!!!!! This means....I am officially poor:)

3) I will read my Bible everyday...even if it is just a verse. (I will make sure my kids at least look at the pictures in theirs. Shayden actually has a new rhyming Bible...the rhymes are sometimes a stretch but she actually asks to read it...so...I recommend it!!!) I will focus more on God being present in the little things...I always ask for his help when the problem seems large but I will try to turn to Him for the smaller things I think I can handle...which I usually can't:). I will continue to put him first in my life and in my soon to be marriage...

4) I will quit apoligizing for the following things: being a women that is emotional, irrational, and at times hormonal...that is how God created women; for wanting to be a mom first and not being completely excited about working...again how God created us; for living at home...it works for us for now and allows us to prepare for the future God has for us...I will NOT apoligize for waiting for God to unveil his plans; having an opinion that is different; for not being a neat freak; or for talking about my personal bff, JC:). If any of this offends you, we should probably not be friends...but I still love you:)

I want to start this decade out right...the last one was good, bad, and ugly...and I suspect this next will be no different. I just want how I handle it all to be different. I get to start 2010 off as a thirty year old...how cool is that?? New friends, new husband...job opportunities, I can't wait. GOD IS SO STINKING AMAZING. Happy New Year friends....

BFF'S

See all these beautiful ladies? I am thankful for every one of them. They are my best friends...and believe me...I have found out who my friends are:). Each one of them brings something amazing to my life and I am blessed to have them. I know if I needed something, I could call, and they would do everything in their power to help me. I LOVE YOU SHAWNEE, JEN JEN, JODI, ELIZABETH, KATIE, & ROBIN!!

Behind as usual:)

Okay...I said I would post everyday and...well...I didn't:). Time to catch up...SO...

Thursday - I am thankful for my ex-husband who is currently my fiance. He has become the man I needed him to be and God has done amazing things through him...and will continue to no doubt. I have been in love with Brad since I was 16 years old...nothing has ever changed that. He has become an amazing father and husband and I am VERY thankful to have him in my life.

Friday - I am thankful for the people who made me who I am today. Some people might NOT be thankful for who I am today...lol...BUT:). My parents are AMAZING. They have loved me unconditionally...and believe me, that has not always been easy. They have supported me financially, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually. They have prayed for me, they have encouraged me, they have cried for and with me. They taught me how to LOVE and appreciate people. Beyond being amazing parents...they are amazing people...living examples of Christ's love. I am supremely blessed to be able to call them Mom & Dad:).

And YES...I am spoiled:)

I am thankful for:

This month I will (try:) to post something I am thankful for everyday. I am beyond thankful for the relationship I have found with Christ. Divorce sucks but it has made for an amazing journey with my Saviour. I have discovered what it is to be married to Christ....to trust Him completely. AWESOME:).

So everyday I will try to post something I am thankful for.

Today I will dedicate to my beautiful kids. I sometimes forget how precious they are. I forget that some moms never get the opportunity to hold their children and some have had to face loss that I hope I never comprehend. My children were at times the only thing that motivated me to get out of bed...they are the most precious gift God has ever given me.