My birthday trip was fabulous...my friend Robin met Brad, Chris, and I in Austin and we lived it up. Robin, I love you girl. It is nice to be able to talk to someone who just totally gets it:). You are my SOUL SISTA:).
I looked back over my last few blogs and felt like I should tell everyone that I don't see or talk to regularly that I am not miserable:). I am actually doing well and happy with life in general...I just usually sit down to blog when I need to vent or am feeling introspective. Our sermon tonight brought this one on...
But as a whole, I am doing great...I just have moments of doubt...and that is usually when I blog....:)
"But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me"
You'll never be a teacher...you'll never get a job. You wasted your time and your money...you live at home with your parents and can't provide for your kids. You have failed...you are almost 30 and look where you are. You're divorced...you work part time...YOU...HAVE...FAILED.
"Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed"
Your marriage fell apart. You couldn't make it work...what's wrong with you? Where was your God then? Your kids aren't perfect...they whine, they throw fits, they don't mind...what kind of a mother are you? You got out of college and did what...NOTHING. What have you done with your life, Shana?
"The waves they keep on telling me time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!""You'll never win!"
Your best friend is so successful. Your friends are happy, successful...buying houses, getting jobs...look where you are. Living at home, no full time job and mounting bills from school. Can your kids even depend on you???
I struggle. Everyday. I hear these voices...the ones that tell me I am not where I "should" be in life. The ones that hold me back...oppress me. The voices that make me feel guilty, shameful, and threaten the pride that I have let go of. It IS a struggle...
"But the voice of truth tells me a different story"
I love you...I have a plan for you. A job that you will provide for you and glorify me all at the same time. I have redeemed your marriage...I have saved your family. I have a PLAN for you. I provided for you...with a loving family that could help you when you needed it...
"The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
It is all OKAY...I HAVE A PLAN FOR YOU. I love you...do not worry about what others think or say...I have it all worked out. Do not fear bills or dark clouds...I am with you always. I've got this, Shana.
"The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
For MY glory...remember that. My plan doesn't always match yours but mine is better.
I struggle. Everyday. But I DO choose to listen and believe the voice of truth. I believe that God has a plan for my life...that he does have it all mapped out. I am fixing to be 30...and I am not where I want to be...but I am where God needs me to be. I can't worry about what people think...not strangers, peers, friends, or even family. I went through, WE, went through everything for a reason...so we could be where God wanted us WHEN God wants us to be there. He has the perfect job for me...in the perfect place. I hear his voice all the time...the voice of truth saying, "I've got this, Shana. I've got this...have faith and walk with me...I've got it."
I love this song and just wanted to share why it speaks to me so much...love you all...thanks for standing by me through so much...and having faith in me as well as God.
"Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth."