Saturday, January 31, 2009


No more anonymous comments....

"fuuny how your post from weeks before state no more advice for divorce ...but yet you still keep blogging about it. get over it already!"

I have been called on the carpet by an anonymous blogger...I stated I was tired of advice about my divorce. A couple of weeks later I blogged about it again...but ya know what...

IT IS MY BLOG:)! I can be hypocritical, bitchy, loving, uplifting, mean....I get to say whatever I want...:)

This is my way to get my thoughts out of my head so that they might make sense...whoever left are a coward for being anonymous....and you should learn to spell:). I may say things from time to time that contradict or even make no sense...but I have the guts to put my name on it...

If you don't like read the title....

Everyone else...sorry...I felt the need to respond...

Wednesday, January 21, 2009



Well, I attempted to post something on here yesterday and it became a little irate and so I removed it. Someone saw it and will never know how much I appreciated the kind words. The world is NOT all bad...:).

I have a long ways to go in the healing process. I think I know what I want...but the timing has to be right, it has to be what God wants, AND there has to be a lot of healing. A LOT of healing. I feel like I am back at square one which is exactly where God wants me to be. I didn't learn what I needed to learn...that God needs to be my one else. Some have said that I have to stand on my own two feet...but ya know what...I don't have to stand...I can lean...on Christ. I KNOW, without a doubt, that God will get me where he wants me to be...I can stop trying to control things.

This doesn't mean I won't want to write more blogs like yesterday's or that I will stop all the crying. It just means I have taken a baby step...

I will pray for myself, for my kids, and yes...Brad, too. Though I am so angry that I can't see straight...I can't bring myself to hate him...I still want the father of my kids to get it together.

Thank you friends:)

My goal now is to pra

Monday, January 19, 2009

It feels like Sunday...

...and I hate Sunday's. Sounds horrible, I know, but we go to church on Saturday so it isn't as bad as it seems:). Sunday's just have a horrible effect on me...I start the week on Monday with a positive outlook and I generally make it through the week okay. Saturday's are either really busy or really laid back but then we hit Sunday. And for whatever reason...I fall apart. I don't know what it is...I miss my house, I miss the feeling that someone loved me even if they weren't around. I miss the security...I don't even know what I miss...I just know that what I have right now isn't enough. Sunday's suck:).

And today felt like Sunday...and once again in my life, I feel like yesterday's garbage. And that is just a very awful way to feel. Door's open and door's close...but I am just standing in the doorway and don't know whether to go in or out.

Sunday's suck...

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

It's been a long day....more headaches than I care to even blog about......but God has a way of getting to us even when we do our best to avoid Him. It was the kind of day with lots of tears and frustration and feelings of complete inadequecy. The kids and I read from a WWJD book every night before bed and tonight the story was about a mother who was sad and how Jesus brought her son back to life to make her happy. It ended with this short prayer...

"Dear Lord, thank You for all of the happy times in my life. When I am sad, please help me to think about You so I can be happy again. I love you. In Jesus' name, Amen."

Yeah Lord...I got it....:)

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Photo Journal...

I have to take a picture everyday....there are NO rules...I just have to take a picture. I challanged my bff's, Lashawn & Jodi, to create a photo journal for 2009. I knew Shawnee would join...she's a photographer...come on...she HAD too:). Jodi surprised me with a yes as well so we are doing it!! The catch is it is NOT online...we have to print them...glue them into a book (yes, we have the right glue) and at the end of the year we will get together over appletini's and have a merry time sharing them. Anyone who would like to attempt this with us is welcome too!! It is actually funny because I find myself looking for a picture...what inspires me today? What will I wish to remember about THIS day in 20 years? After all..."This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

Now...aren't you impressed that I LINKED websites to names...whoo hoo:)!!!!

Monday, January 05, 2009

Please NOTE

The FABULOUS new design on my blog...many thanks & kudos to my insanely wonderful BFF, LaShawn:)

And please also note that all divorce advice and or comments will NO longer be accepted as it is a new year & I am tired of hearing it...

It has been a day....can ya tell:)? Divorce illicits a different response in everyone but it certainly never fails to GET a response. Everyone has an opinion about what I have done, about what I haven't done, about what I SHOULD have done, about EVERYTHING...and I am closing the door to any and all opinions. I may have a button made that I can hold up anyone starts to say, "Well, I think...." Lashawn...maybe we could capitilize on this somehow...:)

It is cold, I am I am going to curl up and go to sleep....

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Will do:
Pay closer attention the little things. I am NOT going to stop and smell the roses (unless of course they are delivered to myself with a card that says, "I can't stop thinking about you!") BUT I do want to appreciate smiles from strangers and pennies on the ground. Life happens why we are busy making other plans...I WILL enjoy moments more...Happy New DAY...not year:)!
Won't do:
Be bitter. I will not let my cynacism control me. I will not make others pay for the mistakes made by my ex husband or lost friends. I have been the world's worst cynic for too long. It is time to trust more and give the benefit of the doubt. going to have a snack with me??
This is MY year. MINE! I turn 30 this year (shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!) so I am claiming it for ME! 2008 was...well it was what it was...and I spent the entire year just trying to survive and find myself. I've come a LONG ways in rediscovering Shana so now it is time to live again. the spirit of living and learning...I am determined to learn how to make the perfect apple martini:).


1) JOB...full time teaching position. To believe in myself...believe that the perfect position is out there for me and believe that I will be a great teacher.

2) IMAGE...I have a very unhealthy self image. Nothing about me is perfect...not my hair, my never will be...I have kids:). But the key is acceptance of the things I can't change and the sense to change the things I can...aka..lose weight. I know THAT one is a shock:)

3) FAITH...I am on the right track. I am back to letting Jesus take the wheel instead of making him ride in the trunk:). I still try to grab the wheel at times but I am doing better. My prayer life is still not what I want it to be...I used to be a prayer warrior and that got lost...I WILL change that.

4) PRIDE...forget it. Pride is stupid...I worry that people think I am not doing enough because I live at home. Or that they judge every step I take...the reality is that some do...I just shouldn't care. Judgement is reserved for One and beyond that I need not care. As long as I feel I am where God wants me...than I need to stop worrying about what people think.

I know I said this is MY year...and it is. But it isn't mine belongs to all things important to my relationship with Christ, my will be a good year. Divorce is very humbling...suddenly everything you valued is gone...the husband, the house, your family is dissolved and there is nothing you can do. But when you finally get to the other side...past the anger & bitterness...and you stop trying to prove your tough (who, me?!) and let God take is pretty amazing. Not perfect...but still amazing.

I am ready to move on with my life. Ready to forgive, forget, and move FORWARD.
Happy 2009...thank you to everyone...I couldn't have survived 2008 without such amazing people around me...