I am building cathedrals...

On the days when it feels like what I do doesn't matter...

On the days it feels like no one but Lashawn hears me...:)

On the days that I feel inadequate...that I can't possibly be teaching my kids what they need to know.

I have to remember...

I am building cathedrals.

If you want to know what I am talking about go to www.youtube.com and search for "The Invisable Woman."

Humanity

It sometimes discourages me.

Am I Crazy?!

Perhaps.

Lol.

Brad and I have decided to homeschool. For those of you who have been following along for awhile...yes, that means...high school sweethearts, married, kids, divorced, remarried, homeschool family.

We are not exactly what you would call the social "norm." But what fun would that be anyways?

So...we have decided to homeschool. I think God has been leading me in this direction for some time now but fear and a worldy way of thinking got in the way. I feared what others would think...I got caught up in thinking that we have done it this way for years so it MUST be okay...why should I change it? But...I was not happy with my son's school curriculum. I am not happy that God is cast out of the public school house and I am not happy with the unhealthy environment that kids are thrown into everyday. I have nothing but love for public school teachers because they are the ONLY thing holding such a broken system together.

I'm going to do my own Q & A because I know the questions that you are thinking...Brad asked them all:). Yes they will be socialized...we will go to church on Wednesday evenings. Shay is in gymanstics and Bishop will play basketball in the fall. We are looking into a Coop to join. They will get PLENTY of socialization. Yes I have a curriculum. All subjects are covered and then some:). Yes I am crazy. I panic daily with thoughts of "Can I really do this?" But the answer is yes I can. Heck...even the state of Texas says I can;).

I realize this is hard for some people to wrap their minds around. Public education has been around for a LONG time and it appears to the outside world to be working just fine. I am not out to convert the masses...I just feel like this is the best choice for our family. I've been reading about how we try to teach our children about Christ and how He should be the center focus of our lives...and then we send them to public schools 7 hours a day where his name is a bad word. Add on that my brillant 1st grader had convinced himself that he could not do math and I felt convicted to do SOMETHING. And for now...that is home school.

I have NO idea how this will go. I trust that since God laid this on my heart that he will lead the way and it will be fine. If it turns out to be a bad fit for us then we will make necessary changes.

So...am I crazy? Yes...I am. I am crazy about Jesus. I am crazy about my kids. And I am just crazy enough to try this crazy homeschool thing:).

A line in the sand...

I usually walk the fine line. I do a pretty good job of balancing, actually. I mean...occassionally I teeter onto the other side. You know the other side...the one where the doubts swirl and the devil dances. The side where I begin to doubt and borrow worries...even panic a little. But like I said...I usually balance okay.

Today...I dove into the other side. Head first...with thoughts of, "We can't make it work." And, "It's not possible...I can't do it." Not a good idea.

I cried. I stressed. I spent the day moping and fretting over things that do NOT have to be decided today....or tomorrow...or even 6 months from now. For what?

Brad and I do have some big decisions to make. Where to live? Try something new? Me to work or dive in to homeschooling? BIG decisions. And I was waist deep in the muck that can drown you fast.

The Bible was on my bed. Did I mention I love my Bible? It's hot pink and Brad bought it for me when God started working on us. And there it sat...all because Bishop mistakingly moved it. I was desperate for answers...for relief from the grief that was overcoming me...so I opened it. And guess which random page it opened to...all underlined and starred:

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

HA! Yes I know Lord..I was definitely leaning on my own understanding and it made NO sense. I kept reading...

"You're blessed when you meet Lady Wisdom, when you make friends with Madam Insight. She's worth far more than money in the bank; her friendship is better than a big salary. Her value exceeds all the trappings of wealth; nothing you could wish for holds a candle to her." Proverbs 3:13-18

SO...

I'm back on the line. And balancing much better. :)