I usually walk the fine line. I do a pretty good job of balancing, actually. I mean...occassionally I teeter onto the other side. You know the other side...the one where the doubts swirl and the devil dances. The side where I begin to doubt and borrow worries...even panic a little. But like I said...I usually balance okay.
Today...I dove into the other side. Head first...with thoughts of, "We can't make it work." And, "It's not possible...I can't do it." Not a good idea.
I cried. I stressed. I spent the day moping and fretting over things that do NOT have to be decided today....or tomorrow...or even 6 months from now. For what?
Brad and I do have some big decisions to make. Where to live? Try something new? Me to work or dive in to homeschooling? BIG decisions. And I was waist deep in the muck that can drown you fast.
The Bible was on my bed. Did I mention I love my Bible? It's hot pink and Brad bought it for me when God started working on us. And there it sat...all because Bishop mistakingly moved it. I was desperate for answers...for relief from the grief that was overcoming me...so I opened it. And guess which random page it opened to...all underlined and starred:
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
HA! Yes I know Lord..I was definitely leaning on my own understanding and it made NO sense. I kept reading...
"You're blessed when you meet Lady Wisdom, when you make friends with Madam Insight. She's worth far more than money in the bank; her friendship is better than a big salary. Her value exceeds all the trappings of wealth; nothing you could wish for holds a candle to her." Proverbs 3:13-18
I'm back on the line. And balancing much better. :)