Convicted...for the millionth time

I love my church. I love my church family. I even love my preacher. I love him because he is not afraid to step on my toes or make me wiggle in my seat. I know in my heart that when he looks around the room he is not singling me out but often times I feel like he is staring into my soul saying...are you listening Shana? I know that it is really God who is whispering that but it is Pastor Rick that makes me feel his conviciton. This Saturday night (yea...a Presbytarian church with a Saturday service...we are rebels:) was no different.

He talked about the obstacles we all face. You know the ones...the car needs a new transmission, the kids need new shoes, the electric bill doubled thanks to a record heat wave. Aging parents with ailments that cause us MUCH worry. Children who stray from church, children who are experimenting with things we don't want to think about, children who are sick. Bad backs, cancer, job loss...obstacles basically suck. This was the mental image that was running through my head...

Well, actually, my mental image was a woman in high heels with a baby on her hip and a Coach briefcase slung over her shoulder while jumping hurdles but for some reason Google couldn't come up with that image:). BUT the longer I sat there I realized I was missing the BIG picture. These are obstacles that we ALL face...but the biggest hurdle that I face...the one that robs me of the most joy is this one...

Yep. I am the biggest hurdle I face. I am the one who worries. I am the one who panics. I am the one who tries to be in control and handle things on my own. I AM MY BIGGEST HURDLE. Who knew?! I am pretty good about letting God handle the big stuff that I know I can't handle on my own. But as I sat there staring at the cross I realized that I try to stay in control of the day to day stuff. The little stuff that I feel like I shouldn't bother him with or if I am being completely honest...the little stuff that I want to be in charge of. And it is the little everday stuff that drags us down into a pit of stress and worry and eventually despair. The pit I have been wallowing in because I became too overwhelmed.

I'm slow God. But I get there. I will not stand in my own way anymore. This week our preacher challenged us to just pray prayers of thanksgiving and not ask God for anything. He challenged us to just talk to Him...get to know him. I failed already...I have already asked for relief for my back:). BUT...I am giving thanks in the storm...I am thankful that I can still walk and that I have gotten smart enough to let Him have complete control meaning He gets to be the one to worry:)

Don't be your own hurdle...