Time

Time is one of those things that can drag on when times are tough & fly by when things are wonderful. Somedays seem LONG to me & I wonder when bedtime will arrive & others I find myself at 10 o' clock wondering where the day went. I guess it is the same way with years & months. Yesterday arrived & went & it was the six month marker of losing my grandmother. It was a good day which would make her happy. I sat down on the bed & wondered what all she had missed in 6 months...it seems like such a short time. She missed Papa's birthday, Labor day, Bish's birthday party, my mom's birthday, Josh & Katie's wedding, the twins birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, my aunt's surgery...it seems like a lot more time when you put it into those terms. I sat there & I cried a little...I still miss her so much...I am tearing up writing this. It has gotten easier though...I don't cry just driving down the road as much. I wasn't even all that sad yesterday....something I almost feel bad about except that I know that she would not want me to be. Someone mentioned that she is watching me all the time...I don't know how I feel about that statement. I am not sure that we really know that they do. I would like to think that she does, but does she really? Or does she sit up there & sing & worship God & just bask in the glory & grace of God? I don't know....I wish I did. What I do know is that I still miss her terribly but I feel better knowing that she is with Jesus...hanging out & loving it. I do hope that she sees us...I hope that she see's Bishop talking about her...I hope that she is the reason that Shayden smiles at nothing, I hope that she see's that I have realized just how amazing she was & that I want to be like her...because being like her is like trying to be more like Christ.

I am rambling...just trying to out my emotions into words....

It's funny because I am so cynical. I laugh when people romantisize things & days that are gone. Like when a girlfriend finds herself single & thinks back to a jerk boyfriend & only remembers the good stuff...not that he cheated on her twice, just that he made her laugh. And I feel like all I remember are the wonderful things about my Mama...I know she wasn't perfect but she was such a good person that I have trouble remembering any faults. She was always patient, she always listened, she never spoke ugly to anyone....I want to be remembered like that.

I must go...I have rambled long enough....have a fabu Monday!!!