Sunday, January 04, 2009

This is MY year. MINE! I turn 30 this year (shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!) so I am claiming it for ME! 2008 was...well it was what it was...and I spent the entire year just trying to survive and find myself. I've come a LONG ways in rediscovering Shana so now it is time to live again. SO...in the spirit of living and learning...I am determined to learn how to make the perfect apple martini:).

2009 RESOLUTIONS

1) JOB...full time teaching position. To believe in myself...believe that the perfect position is out there for me and believe that I will be a great teacher.

2) IMAGE...I have a very unhealthy self image. Nothing about me is perfect...not my hair, my body...it never will be...I have kids:). But the key is acceptance of the things I can't change and the sense to change the things I can...aka..lose weight. I know THAT one is a shock:)

3) FAITH...I am on the right track. I am back to letting Jesus take the wheel instead of making him ride in the trunk:). I still try to grab the wheel at times but I am doing better. My prayer life is still not what I want it to be...I used to be a prayer warrior and that got lost...I WILL change that.

4) PRIDE...forget it. Pride is stupid...I worry that people think I am not doing enough because I live at home. Or that they judge every step I take...the reality is that some do...I just shouldn't care. Judgement is reserved for One and beyond that I need not care. As long as I feel I am where God wants me...than I need to stop worrying about what people think.

I know I said this is MY year...and it is. But it isn't mine alone...it belongs to all things important to me...to my relationship with Christ, my kids....it will be a good year. Divorce is very humbling...suddenly everything you valued is gone...the husband, the house, your family is dissolved and there is nothing you can do. But when you finally get to the other side...past the anger & bitterness...and you stop trying to prove your tough (who, me?!) and let God take over...it is pretty amazing. Not perfect...but still amazing.

I am ready to move on with my life. Ready to forgive, forget, and move FORWARD.
Happy 2009...thank you to everyone...I couldn't have survived 2008 without such amazing people around me...
:)

2 comments:

frazzledlashawn.com said...

AMEN SISTER!

Amy Heiman said...

I missed reading your blog! Welcome back and have a great year!