Friday, August 07, 2009


"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and sorry I could not travel both..." ~Robert Frost

This is where I a fork in the road. Do I take the one less traveled...or the one that many have gone down? Hell...the fork I am staring down...I can't even decipher the difference.

I have been offered another that pays well. I don't know much about the position...I am still waiting on info on it. I did not interview, I did not do anything but submit my resume. I do not feel comfortable with the situation...moving in a week, finding childcare faster than that, being the sole breadwinner for an unknown amount of time. I am AFRAID. I just don't know of what. I believe that God will help us make it through what is it I am afraid of? Failure? Unhappiness? I don't know.

So I stand here...and I don't want to make a decision based on fear. But I also don't want to make a decision to prove I am not afraid. You see the quandary.

I have prayed for a job and now I have been handed one. Is it wrong to say no? Is it wrong to wait for another one? Is it wrong to wait on God a little longer? If they are desperate...others will be as well. What is of God and what is Satan trying to intervene? All questions I don't have the answers for.

I have heard many opinions...and I don't begrudge anyone's advice. I am asking myself the same questions. I feel extreme inner turmoil over walking in faith and doing something just to prove that I can. I don't feel God tugging me towards this job...I don't feel God saying GO. I feel like I have to PROVE that I can step out in faith and I would not be doing it because the Lord said to...but because I want to prove to those who have doubt in me.

I have no idea at this point what is right and what is wrong. I know that no matter what we choose we are covered by Christ. I will be praying...that is all I can say at this point...

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